Sorry, this is long but I didn't want to dripfeed. I'm pretty new to MN but got really good advice last time I asked on here and hoped you all might be able to help me figure this one out.
So my exP and I broke up about a month ago now. We were together a year before then, long distance, and it was pretty serious. We live in different countries (him Australia, me New Zealand) which are about 3 hours flight apart, he is from the other side of the world (Ireland). We had talked seriously about marriage, children, spending the rest of our lives together, he had met my family and we had just been to Ireland for Christmas for me to meet his. It was a really good Christmas and we were very happy. All was going well, or so I thought.
The entire time we've been together, he has been working out in the mines in Australia, and I've been at university. His job means he works for 28 days straight in the outback, then gets a week off in the city to recuperate. We managed to fit this in pretty well with my uni schedule last year, and so saw each other every 5 weeks or so for a week at a time. It wasn't a perfect situation but it worked for us.
A couple of weeks after we got back from Ireland, with him out at work and me in NZ, he broke up with me out of the blue. His visa is due to run out in the middle of the year, and he has been trying to get sponsored to stay in Australia. His current job had told him they would be able to, then when he got back said they might not be able to after all. This is pretty common - the last job he had, the same thing happened, and he had to move on to a new job.
He called me and told me all this, said he didn't think it was fair to me for us to continue a relationship when for the next six months he's going to be having to run around trying to get a visa sorted whenever he's not working, and that he didn't want us to just end up fighting, he wanted us to be friends and hopefully be together again in the future once I've finished uni and am more free, and he has Australian residency. He was very apologetic, it was a very long phone call and ended with both of us crying, which is very very unlike him and I've never seen before.
What has followed was firstly a week of us still talking, me very hurt, him extremely guilty and both of us miserable. There was another long phonecall, with me drunk, ending in both of us crying again; we were still telling each other 'I love you', still saying we missed and wanted to be with the other, etc. This was initiated by me, I admit that I kind of hoped he'd just panicked when told about the visa stuff and would come running back when he realised what a stupid mistake he'd made. This was compounded by him saying 'I don't know if I did the right thing' etc.
He then suggested two weeks of us not speaking, to try and settle everything, give us time to think and stop torturing ourselves. I was initially pretty resistant because it felt like he was dumping me all over again, but realised it was probably a good idea for me to stop deluding myself that we were still in a relationship and figure out what I really want.
So, now it's been two weeks and I'm still not sure whether I want to be friends with him, or how to go about it. I mean, I do - aside from being my boyfriend he was my best, best friend and I hate not being able to talk to him about things. I just want to be sure he's not taking the piss. A big worry of mine is the idea that he'll be sleeping with other women - which we have discussed, as we're both single. He maintains he's not even thinking about that but hasn't said that he won't. He also said that for him, sex doesn't have to mean anything more. I don't feel that way, so for me, him sleeping with someone else would be a Big Deal, which is why I have no intention of sleeping with anyone else.
It particularly upsets me because I feel like I've been relegated to being a friend while he goes off and puts effort into trying to sleep with other women. It won't be like that - he's not exactly Casanova, I had to chat him up fgs - but in my head, it is, because he is gorgeous and lovely and what woman in her right mind wouldn't be all over him?!
Has anyone else been in a similar situation and can advise? Is it possible to be friends with your ex when you both still want to be together but can't? In six months, he'll either be staying in Australia or have to leave and go back to Ireland/elsewhere, so I have no idea whether we would be able to be in a relationship again in the short term or whether it could be a while. In my heart I want to be friends with him, and for us to maintain a relationship and one day get back together - he is still the man I see myself being with for the rest of my life. But I don't know if I'd be doing something stupid by continuing this relationship, and if it would be more sensible just to end it entirely. Mumsnet, please help!