getting caught up in his mind games

[EverythingHappens4aReason]

I was determined I wasnt going to get over involved with my ds relationship with his dad as ds was very clear about when he wanted to see his dad and when he didnt he is 14. H left us 6 months ago for OW who ds has met a few times. They have been invited to a family wedding and ds did not want OW to go but H did. They text each other a few times over it then the big guns came out how upset H was how upset OW was how disappointed H was then they told him if he didnt want her to go then both of them wouldnt go. DS was so upset he said she can go. I text him and said he was emotionally blackmailing him and putting too much pressure on him. H has phoned ds and told him what I said and how I had upet him!! ds annoyed with me for getting involved. Was I right to intervene or should I have let them sort it themselves :(

It must be really hard for your ds to accept this new family dynamic. He is still young at 14. However if it's a serious relationship I don't see why he can't accept that OW might feel like she is not doing anything wrong by attending this event. She is now your ex official partner and she is not doing anything wrong, hard to accept as it may be.

I don't think you were wrong to intervene.Your job is to protect your son even though some things will remain out of your control. I'd havedone the same

Intervening was right. The father is telling a 14 yo that if the 14 yo doesn't accept the OW then the 14 yo will lose his father too. Wow, that is so mean, and at a time when the divorce (because of the OW-regardless of her "innocence" the boy will have resentment towards her) is still fresh.

Is/has the father always been so dismissive towards his son? The son may (sooner rather than later) come to realize that letting "Dad" go is the best answer in lieu of being so blatantly disrespected, discounted, and diminished.