So bored

[MelonCollie]

I am in my late 40's and have been married 3 times, 1st time was a disaster, 2nd time was good while it lasted and now Im onto my 3rd.

We have been married for 13 years and have a 13 year old daughter, on the outside life seems pretty good, we go on holidays every year, have our own house which is paid for and are in no debt but I'm so depressed. I feel bored, I feel I have nothing to look foward to.

My husband, whilst being generous and eager to please is very boring, he cannot have a laugh, he doesnt socialise, he doesnt speak half the time, every day is the same, he gets in from work and sits and watches tv all night or falls asleep, If I try talking to him he turns the tv up. We never go out or do anything exciting, just watch the tv every night of the week.

I used to look forward to weekends but I cant even do that anymore as he either chooses to work them or sits misserable at home, if we do go out he's misserable whilst we're out, if we go out to do the shopping we get home around 1pm and then he sits and watches tv all afternoon, I cant stand it.

He has never taken an active role in our daughter, if she tries to talk to him he grunts at her or just ignores her, if I ask him to discipline he goes nuts and starts shouting and balling which is really out of character as he's usually quiet and placid. We can never go to family do's or go out for a meal with the rest of the family when invited as he never wants to go and when we do go he sits there falling asleep. Even on christmas day he's misserable, sits watching tv raising the odd smile when our daughter speaks to him or shows him her presents.

We go on holiday (always has to be the same old places around Britain even though we could afford to go abroad) and he's even misserable then taking books to read etc and getting back in front of the tv for 5pm every night.

Ive been crying most of the day, I know that if another man came along I wouldnt hesistate to do something, even if it was just for something different to do. There has to be more to life than this.

Ive never been happy whilst I've been with him, not properly, I put on an act. I want my old life back, having a laugh with family members etc. But I darnt leave and mess everything up a 3rd time. I feel so trapped, I feel like Im going to be unhappy for the rest of my life.

Sounds like it's your DH that's depressed at some level and you're having to live with a man with no get up and go.

Can you develop your own interests and social activities? Maybe it will result in a split but at least you will have a life you enjoy.

Why do you need a man to be happy? If you feel your marriage is past saving then leave him. Don't wait for someone else to come long to make you happy as that's expecting to much of someone.

Sounds like your hubby is depressed - would he admit this/recognise this?

As such, you are very much in the position of a carer

You really need to do things for yourself - if your daughter is 13 why not book a holiday abroad with just the two of you? Even a £99 a week holiday in Crete would be great fun - it's a fab time for her to start learning about travel and learning that she can do stuff as a woman independent of family/men. Just because your DH doesn't take an active role, doesn't mean that you can't be proactive.

Hi Melon, I definitely agree with others that it's time to focus on YOU not on him; I really believe in this life, we can only make ourselves happy and not look to others to do it for us. I certainly don't think you need to wait for another man to come along to sort this situation. Let's face it, if another man came along now, you are so keen to get out that in all probability you would make the wrong choice of man, and could end up contemplating split number four!!!

You say you culd afford to go abroad - so book it! If he wants to come, great, if not - great. Or have a spa week for pampering yourself and your DD? Do youhave any hobbies or things that you've always wanted to do?

Don't let him hold you back, start to enjoy your own life. But maybe he is depressed - would he listen if you suggested he saw his GP? I feel if you try to help him while getting your own life some fun, you are doing all you can.

Does he ever spend time alone with your DD? Maybe he would at least talk to her if you were away for the weekend and he was the parent at home?

What do you think?

Although I agree in part with everyone else, there haven't been any suggestions that you talk to him. You need to tell him how you feel before anything else, if you're totally honest with him then let his response guide you in making the next move. He might be shocked, or he might be aware of your feelings - who knows. If he can't be bothered to make more effort then you need to decide if it's a split you want or to make more of your own life. He may be devestated and try hard to keep you happy - it's worth a try.

Hi Melon please talk to him about how you are feeling...you are fortunate enough to be financially stable and healthy with a good life apart from your feelings of boredom and that can be cured with a little spontaneity...please talk to him before you make any decisions...