Yes I've posted before (today) but there have been developments and I honestly feel like I'm going crazy. backstory - I fell in love almost a year ago, thought he felt the same, had all plans for the future etc and then 6 months in I found out that he'd rejoined the dating site I met him on. We argued over it, he said he never intended to meet anyone (despite sending shit loads of messages to other women) and I gave him another chance. A couple of months later I find innapropriate emails again him trying to arrange meet ups for sex. I called him up and finished with him. He BEGGED and CRIED and said he was oh so sorry and what a dickhead I am and "i'm mortified to have done this to you, please give me a second chance" and "I love you so much I can't bare to lose you!" and "Give me a chance, I swear I'll prove my loyalty to you" yadda yadda yadda. Since then I'm met his parents, friends and children, he wants us to move in together, keeps hinting at marriage etc etc - but it kept niggling at me and just a few days ago I brought it all up again and said how I don't trust him etc. He sat there and said to my face "but I will prove it to you, I SWEAR. Why would I introduce you to my kids if I wasn't serious about you?" etc etc - I let it drop and then TODAY I found out that he's continued with a casual sex site!!!! All through the times he's sat there promising me and crying at me etc he's been straight on there as soon as the conversation ended basically!!
Why the fuck does he lie to my face like this?? why does he keep doing this?? fuck I tried to break up with him, he begged me not to so what the fuck does he want??? He swears he's never met anyone off these sites but now I'm not so sure, he's been on it months, logging in every week, surely he would have met up with someone by now? I can't believe a person can sit there and lie directly into someones face - a person that has done nothing but bend over backwards trying to support them and make them happy. What the fuck have I done to deserve this treatment??
We're due to take his kids bowling on saturday (why is he doing this to THEM??? introducing a woman to them that he has no intention of staying with??) and due to take his mother out on sunday for mother's day.
How the fuck can he play happy families like this when he's fucking around behind ALL of our backs like this??? I've not been able to eat since I found out. I've not brought it up with him yet but he knows something is up, he's tip toeing around me like the fucking cowardly mouse that he is.
And please don't reply to abuse me, yes I'm crazy - the experts call it anxiety and bi-polar - I'm not posting for fun. I want to know why anyone would do this to me? (or anyone!)