Meeting my partner's teenage kids at the weekend - survival tips needed

[nobyone]

They're aged 15 and 17, both boys. Youngest is autistic. We're going bowling so it will just be an hour or so - brief but effective hopefully.

I've never been good with kids though and am assuming they will hate me by default so any survival tips appreciated.

Be yourself. Kids spot 'fake' a mile off so just do what you'd normally do and behave how you'd normally behave. Have fun.

Be yourself, speak to them like they are humans. They will be just as nervous of meeting you as you are of meeting them. All autistic children are different, take him as he is. Don't read too much into things and try and enjoy yourself.

Smile and say hello. Make sure you know beforehand their names, and what they are doing with their lives - school, college, sports etc. Go easy on the PDAs with DP in front of them. Usual group bowling commentaries - watch their throws (rolls?), congratulate for a good one, commiserations with a near-miss, but don't expect small talk - 15 - 17 year olds are not generally good at that with older adults. Good luck!

I was also going to say don't harrass them into 'chatting'. If you speak to boys you say 'what team do you support?' then wait, and wait, and wait and eventually they will respond. Then comment but don't gabble at them. (mind you might be worth looking up something about said team beforehand as you don't want to appear too stupid). On second thoughts footie teams is prob not a good area unless you DO know something about it. Hmmm, still trying to think of what teen boys talk about.........

Why would they 'hate you by default' ?

Hate by default of step parents seems to be the de facto position of kids these days.

Brace yourself.

I wouldn't think they will hate you, but it must be a bit scary for them, I mean you could be some Cruella Deville. And they are prob old enough to know you are nervous too.

Not all step kids hate their step parents, I love my step mum and my sister has step kids who she has a great relationship with.

I think the key is taking it very slowly. My step mother wasn't forced on me, gradual, casual activities and them retaining familiar, high levels of contact With your partner so they don't associate with you taking your partner away from them.

I hate my mums husband, she invited him to everything all the time and couldn't retain a sense of being MY mum. My Dad's partner by contrast used to have lunch with us weekly and gradually our families blended. She is a brilliant addition to our family and I can't imagine life without her. My sister is getting loads of support from her having recently had a baby and my step mum is a doting nana. She's always been friendly but not overbearing and just so kind. Similarly, my sister's step kids who are teenagers are brilliant company, happily spend time with her and love their new baby brother to bits.

There will be a few genuine step mother cards kicking around our house come Sunday. They'll all be the same mind, cos Clinton subscribe to the wicked step mother school of thought.

Good luck!

This makes me think of my best friend growing up who was around 16 when her parents split. She got on fine with her dad's DP because she took things very slow and was friendly but not pushy. Her mum's new bloke moved straight in to the house her parents had lived in together all her life with his dog and DD in tow and started making rules about chores etc and generally throwing his weight around. Needless to say it didn't take long for her to move into her dad's new place! Some will hate you by default, but just be gentle, kind, and hopefully it will go well.

So glad my DSS was a preschooler when I met him... Show up armed with a laptop full of games and cartoons and take them for a bonding trip to Build a Bear and they're anybodys.