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[HeadshoulderskneesAndtoes]

Hi, I'm new on here, but I need some advice and was told by a friend this was the place to come !

My husband left me unexpectedly and our dd 16months at the beginning of Jan. It has been an awful time for us as he has left me in an awful financial state and almost homeless (our marital home was in his parents name and I had to leave).

He has just started having contact with dd without me being present and on two occasions his 12yo daughter from a previous marriage has been there and taken pictures of my dd. I have been made aware that she has posted these on FB and am feeling very uncomfortable about it.

I am also aware that my sister in law, who I have a very poor relationship with has also got a picture of my dd as her profile pic. She has only seen her once since September and even before that my daughter had no relationship with her. I'm not friends with either on FB but my husband is but he is completely unaware when it comes to the Internet and safety.

Am I being unreasonable if I ask my husband to have these pictures removed?

Your stepdaughter has a photo of her sister on facebook. In all honesty, what are you worrying about? I dont mean to sound harsh, but it is not putting your daughter in any danger.

I can't really see the problem either. Sorry OP. Loads of people put photos of their kids on FB

The issue is I do not know who is accessing pics of my daughter. Everyone on my facebook page is a friend of mine, therfore I know who is seeing the pictures. I have a 'friend only' block on my pictures so i know who is seeing them. My sister in law leads a colourful life style and Im not comfortable with the type of people she associates with seeing my daughter and I'm not aware of her settings so therefore its pointless me protecting my daughter on my page if she's exposed else where. Likewise with my step daughter.

But WHAT do you think will happen to her? Why are you not comfortable with this?

Do you have photographs of your daughter on YOUR facebook?

I hate all pictures of children on FB, don't post pictures of my DD there and, frankly, would ban pictures of children being posted on social media. However, if you post pictures of your DC, your ex has the right to allow his family to do the same.

by that token though MrsTP, would you say that images of children should be banned in all adverts, tv programmes etc..

We live in a social media age. People do not have physical photo albums any more, or go to boots to have their snaps developed.

True squeaktoy and I probably shouldn't be in charge of the world as I am a megalomaniac. I do think children also shouldn't work until they can understand the implications. So, no film, no adverts, no TV. I basically think that my child should be able to decide how her image is distributed, or not. People that put their DC's pictures on FB don't realise that their child doesn't make that decision, they don't either. The moment they are posted, FB does. That terrifies me.

I don't put any pics of my daughter on FB but then I don't put a lot of photos on there at all. If you ask politely, I don't think there's anything wrong with it but ultimately, there's nothing really that you can do about it if they say no, especially if you have photos of her yourself.

I can't tell you why I don't put pics on as there's no logical rationale, it just feels unfair to me to post pictures of her when she barely has any understanding of the world in general let alone the internet.

The pictures should not have been posted without you or your husband's consent. I would let him know you are not happy and would rather they were removed. But if he does not agree with you, then I am not sure what you can do. If you feel that strongly, ask your solicitor, because you both have parental responsibility, but one of the problems with separation is the need to accept that the other parent may make decisions you would not.

Agree with Snow - if the father has given his approval, then I don't think there's much you can do, other than make your feelings known and request that they be removed. Perhaps you can compromise on the photos not being tagged with the DCs names, so that they are anonymous.

Would you feel the same way if you were still with your husband?

I agree with MrsTerry. I don't have a single picture of my DC on FB.

FB (and social media) has no precedent. In years to come who knows how the information will be used, what will happen to the pictures - once they are on FB they are owned by them. On a more personal level, I am a private person. If I found out when I reached the age of self awareness that there was a catalogue of pictures of me growing up on the internet I would've been very upset.

OP I would contact your ex and state your reasons calmly.