How to survive the first days of a split.

[Shoesmakemehappy]

This is my first time on mums net, I split up with Husband together 10 years, 2 children 3 and 6 yesterday.
To cut a long story short, he's had an affair we've tried unsuccessfully to make things work for the last 9 months since I found out, but its not working and I think he just hasn't got the courage to end things so I did it for him.
I have been reading some posts and am saddened but I think comforted that I'm not the only one and that I can survive this and come out happier eventually!! But at the moment it's hard to look on the bright side and I wondered if any of you seasoned survivors had any tips to make the early days more bearable (any tips that don't include wine, probs had too much of that already!). I've told my close friends and they've been great as have my family but they can't be here all the time and I know I need to work through this myself. I think maybe I just want some reassurance that I can do it, I don't want to be with him but I miss him already! Help!

Do something physical like clearing out cupboards, buying new bed linen, decorate a room (bedroom is good). Go for walks, take a note book with you and write stuff down, doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense. When you read it back in a few weeks you'll see how far you've come from today.

Just be nice to yourself. And do consult with a solicitor if you haven't already. You'll feel better for being in control of what happens next even if you don't act on it yet.

Post here. Loads of us have been in the same position and we've more than survived.

Keep getting up, keep busy and cuddle your children often. Then one day it begins to get a tiny bit better and then gradually it gets better. 6 weeks ago I got to the point after 6 months I could take up a new activity and meet new people.

Hi
I have unfortunately had quite a bit of experience of this, I am sorry you are going through it. I think everyone handles it differently but, fwiw, in my opinion you just have to go with whatever your body is feeling, particularly in the first few days. In the first few days I have found that there is no point in trying to force myself to go out and do things, that comes later. The first few days are when you are allowed to fall apart, as that is what you need to do, it is a stage of the grief process. Don't be scared of feeling like this, it is normal and necessary.

I have in the last few months gone through a horrible break up. All I did the first few days is cry. So if that is what you need to do then do it safe in the knowledge that it WILL pass and very gradually get better. Then when you do feel slightly better introduce yourself slowly back into life, small steps.

Talk it through with friends as much as you can, you need to get it all out and off your chest. Be gentle and look after yourself. I promise you it will get easier x

Do what my ex did within first few days of split....sign up to an online dating site ;-)

Actually isn't it funny how many people do that, after 24 years of completely faithful marriage to a serial adulterer, I signed up to 2 almost as soon as I had stopped crying. I found myself being read poetry over the phone by a parlimentary candidate for a party i despise, but he was so funny and sexy and i got lost in sexting and started to enjoy my female self for the first time in many years. The thoughts of his trophy hunt heads on his cottage walls told me not to take it further, but it was great to be in control of my own life, and I felt like a chid in a sweetie shop when I started to get interest each evening. Best done with a friend around though so they can steer you clear if things get awkward. Go on - let your hair down. I bet your lovely...

Thanks for all the advice! Survived first day at work, cried on the way but after that felt much better. Nice to have something I could get lost in. I like the idea of decorating and must confess I have thought about the dating website thing but not sure if day 2 is the day to do it! I think today I am realising I have made the right call and if I can get through this very crap bit things will look up and it's good to know things do get better. Maybe by day 5 I'll be asking for dating website recommendations! Thanks!

Im sure you need time to adjust, says me who was dumped by my BF (said with a smirk cos he was far from a boy!) via email on Tuesday! it hurts like mad and I am watching far too much tv to fill the gaps but like you I know I am making the right choice nit too want him back. If you want to message me Im happy to hold yr hand over next week or so and we can reminisce about better times. I too am a victim of adultery and a year on it still makes me feel very sad. But things do get better you'll see.

Thank you. Although my friends have been great, it's good to know there are other people out there who truly understand how horrible it all is. Trying to be positive today and just take it a day at a time. That's all I can do really.