Am I being ridiculous?

[pamelat]

a little bit of context

Currently off work sick for a couple of days, bed bound with a virus. Feel pretty terrible.

Married, two kids, things quite stressy

First month back on pill for years in an attempt to manage my feelings. If I don't feel better in another 2 months them gp finally happy to prescribe anti depressants

On a daily basis I'm not coping with stress/tension/anger

Today is day one of bleeding on new pill, in quite a lot of pain and hormonal mess .....

DH and I have had significant rows, usually re insignificant things, but more recently his mum has caused us both a lot of hurt. Too long a story.

Anyway ... Things aren't great

I've just ventured downstairs, I'd been on bed all day whilst children at school/nursery but did "bedtime" so up and about.

I took a balloon to DH and asked him to pop it for me, saying ibdont like doing it. He went to stab it with the knife he's using to prep tea. I moved away saying "oh I don't even like holding it to pop it", pathetic maybe but there you go. At which point he just extends the knife and pops it with me holding it.

This has really upset me but know I'm over emotional today. I'm not sure why it upset me so much.

I'm sorry you're feeling you arent coping. You dont sound over emotional to me, you sound like you are still hurting (possibly over the issues his mum has caused?) and that there might be some unresolved hurt and anger in you which needs to be processed before you can move on.

You also sound in quite a vulnerable place, and that you would quite like your DH to recognise and comfort you. Which could be a conflict if you are still hurt/angry?

Do you feel you are able to speak with him further regarding the hurt his mum caused?

Kallima thank you for replying

You're right it's probably the deeper issues, which we're looking to slowly work on. It was all hurtful but we've had a apology and at least we were "on side" over it but these things still cause resentment.

I felt the balloon popping was aggressive but I've been stroppy with him whilst feeling so rubbish so perhaps it's deserved. I think when you feel unwell you just feel more vulnerable.

Anyway thank you for replying

Do you feel your DH understands you?

Blimey, that scenario is so symbolic I barely know where to start. The most important thing is that the incident embodied your DH's behaviour. He ignored your reasonable, yet slightly silly, request and went out of his way to shock and hurt you, albeit in a mini way. Maybe he was stressed and tired - sounds like it - and fed up.

That ain't good, and you're reacting to it because, as you point out, things aren't great - presumably one of the problems is his lack of care toward you. You're reacting to that, not the incident itself - that's not an overreaction.

Secondly the whole knife and balloon thing...no one likes having a knife coming at them, it's a teeny but scary thing. Oh dear and as for the balloon - you do know that's a symbol of the self don't you. In some circs it can also be an inflated - geddit - ego. Or, um, lady parts.

Don't tell me it was red...

DH does not understand me but then nor do I sometimes.

I think the balloon popping thing did shock or scare me which is why I over reacted, tears and left the room.

I couldn't believe he'd done it, purposely.

I had a similar shock, but not scary, last week. I'd paid for us to go to an afternoon spa for his birthday. We were chilled and happy, for the first time in a while. We were in outdoor hot tub which an older lady. We were getting ready to get out (freezing out) and he went first. I'd asked him to pass my towel. He got out and walked off without a backward glance. I thought it was a joke and had a few uncomfortable moments where the other lady thought it was too, and then he just didn't come back.

Hardly horrible but just very oblivious. He'd gone to get changed to leave. I asked him afterwards and he dismissiveky said that he'd "forgotten" to pass my towel.

Didn't know the balloon was symbolic. It was blue.

Hello.

The popping the balloon thing was symbolic to me also because you told him how you felt about popping it, and he went and did that very thing in your face.

Is he angry with you and showing it passive aggressively? Have you confronted him on something and he knows you are right, and he is responding this way?

My advice for now is for you to lay low and keep your distance from him for a while. Have a good think about what is bothering you, talk to good friends etc, but stay away from him. X

Bit of a long shot here, but is his hearing OK? Both the scenarios you describe depend upon him hearing what you said - and if he has noticed that he's missing things, but doesn't want to acknowledge it, he'll have dismissive defences built up. Does he hear phone ringing, doorbell, little noises?

I'm confused because he does these small things, I get upset, I confront him and then I feel ridiculous.

I thought he did the balloon thing, ridiculous, on purpose. He made eye contact. But then he says that he didn't do it to scare me but just that it was too late to not pop it

I'm now doubting myself. I know I over analyse.

Thank you

I don't think he can always hear but be says he has chosen to tune out because I nag

I know I am nagging but only because he doesn't listen or acknowlege me, viscious circle?

On the few times that I've really tried not to repeat myself, then the request doesn't get done. Just silly chores or checking if kids doing homework etc.

I wonder whether he dislikes me sometimes. I know I'm being difficult these last few months and trying to change that.

ok well for next time - if you need to pop a balloon hold it right near where you blow it up. then get a scissors and make a cut where you holding it then the air will be let out slowly. there is no need to stab a balloon with a knife or other object to let the air out!

clealry here seems to be lots of stresses going on with your h - if you gp giving you meds then also ask for some counselling sessions so you can talk thru what is bothering you and come up with some strategies.

[my ex would always find a way to spoil nice days out that i had booked with comments or his behaviour...in the end i realised i could not make him happy... ]

does he book nice things for you or is it always you booking nice things for him? remember you cant make someone be happy - you can only look at your own feelings...
when was the last time he booked a spa day for you?