Well meaning comments from gran re baby's sleep

[okthen]

So I just had the classic inter-generational conversation about babies' sleep with my gran regarding my 4mo.

His sleep is crap, absolutely shite, at the moment. This is despite promising early weeks, napping well and being able (well, WAS able) to self settle.

My gran says that he is big enough and old enough to sleep through the night! Suggests I 'give him a pat' when he wakes.

Now, I am not enjoying this sleep regression, but surely sleeping through is too high an expectation? Would be happy to feed every , say, 4-5 hrs at this age.

But now I feel I am doing it all wrong and my baby is broken!

Anyway my main worry is this: I am going to stay with her for Easter and will now feel very under pressure for his sleep to be better before then.

What can I say to brush off the comments that will doubtless be made? And how can I stop caring about them?!

(My gran is lovely on the whole, btw)

He is still tiny...I would say to gran that you are not ready to do something yet.
I parented my first against my instinct and I regret it.

Have a look at the sleep section.

Be strong!

Thanks for your reply. I started a thread in the sleep section- lots of ladies in the same boat!

I just don't get it. Did babies 50-60 years ago REALLY sleep so much better? And do people who make comments like my gran did realise how anxious they can make a mum?

post-traumatic amnesia.

No, most babies bloody did not sleep through the night at 4mo! Well, they might have gone through patches of sleeping well sooner, if they were on the older formula milk...but still, averaged out over a baby/toddlerhood of hunger, developmental stuff, teething, illnesses, and separation anxiety - no way!!!

(Even my EBF-er mother, from a very different generation to your gran's, made similar noises to me during my DD's 4mo sleep regression. It's amnesia, I'm telling you! My father on the other hand - has not forgotten )

I know what you meaning about needing to learn to stop caring, though. Just try to imagine you're wearing a shield. And remember, Gran doesn't think you're a terrible mum or anything - babies just make people commenty.

Oh dear why do so many older women get so judgy about child rearing? Have they no idea how undermining it is for a new mother?

I think it's what Curtsey said. People forget, well some people chose to.

My eldest is 32 now and was totally breast fed, as were all my children. I found it bloody hard and I don't think he slept properly for the first 2 years.

Try to rise above her comments, she probably means well.

Can you just smile sweetly, hard I know, when you're sleep deprived, and say something like, well gran everything's done differently nowadays.

Good luck. He will sleep eventually. Trust me when he's 16 you'll be desperate for him to wake up and get out of bed.

I tried to brush it off with a breezy 'he didn't get that memo'- but she didn't understand what I meant, gawd love her! Cue awkward exchange. I'm not very assertive about these things and tend to bluster and justify myself (blustify myself?)

I just tell myself that a) she's conveniently forgotten the reality or b) the babies were in their own rooms from 2 weeks old, had raw egg and cereal added to their bottles, and were too cold to cry what with no central heating!

Maybe get some advice from your HV, and, as long as it fits in with what you want to do anyway, pass it along to your Gran. People of her generation generally still hold doctors and nurses opinions in high esteem, so she might back down?

I'm sure your Gran didn't mean to make you feel undermined or whatever, she was probably offering well meaning, if slightly off kilter advice to someone she loves who seems to be distressed about a situation.

It's amnesia. I know for a fact that I screamed my bloody head off until I was two, but my mother couldn't get over how much ds2 "just cries and cries, colditz, take him to a doctor, it's not right!"

He actually cried slightly less than average, and wasn't giving me any concerns at all.

I would also try to not volunteer info about sleeping, mumble and divert the convo onto, I dunno, her bingo pals or praps the weather