How to let him down gently...

[CremeEggScoffer]

I have been seeing a man on and off for about 5 or so years, it was off and he begged me to take him back so have said we would try again, anyway I've now met someone else, I've known this guy about a year and we have so much in common and I need to let this other guy down, he's overseas at the moment.

I feel awful cause I said we could try again but now don't want to, he's going to hate me isn't he?

When he gets back stand him next to new bloke and say 'all those in a relationship step forward.....hang on, where are you going?'
Seriously though, be kind and clear. Tell him why you feel the need to end it and leave no ambiguity. And tell him to his face. Show him respect.

I don't think 'gently' is going to work. This sounds like someone that will take any kind of hesitation or equivocation as a sign that it's not over... there's a still a chance. That's not a respectful person IMHO... that's someone that isn't taking you seriously. So you have to spell it out in pretty unambiguous terms of you'll never be shot of him. If he hates you for being honest that's entirely his look-out.

Thank you for your replies, I spoke to a good friend and he made me list the good points of both and I really couldn't think of any for 5 year bloke, I think he has become a habit, this new man flutters my butterflies in my stomach

So you're still weighing up the choices then?

There's no way you're going to come out of this as the 'good guy'. Tell him it's over and you've met someone else. He might hate you for a while but he'll survive.

not weighing them up exactly, just justifying them to myself, I will need to be strong and not doubt myself as someone pointed out, he will jump on any hesitation

Well, you haven't done anything wrong. I would tell him asap if I were you. Of course he will be upset but he will cope.