why do i feel so guilty?

[catkin14]

I am leaving my mentally abusive H of 26 years. I havnt told him yet but things are very bad between us and he wont talk about it.

So I have found myself a little house and I am moving some money into a secret account so that i can live.

He earns all the money, i have been a sahm for last 15 years just doing jobs that fit in with school n children.

I am having to do it this way because he will put a clamp down on all our money, and i am repeatedly told he pays for everything as i dont earn much and i am feeling sooo guilty about using this money but i have no choice.
I have had legal advice so know i am entitled to it but....

Anyone else done this and got through it? : /

You're doing the right thing if it's for the safety and emotional well-being of you and your DC.

What age are you DC?

You're likely feeling guilty as you're moving on, into a very different circumstance to what you've know before.

You're being wise keeping £ to one side and seeking legal advice.

Have no real advice for you, just a and a pat on the back.

You've sought legal advice - you know you are entitled to it.
Try not to feel guilty.
Think about what he has put you through over the years and the fact you deserve this money to get you out and starting afresh.
Well done - and good luck when the time comes.

You feel guilty because you've had 26 years of mental abuse. It's like brainwashing. He's spent all that time telling you that it's his money and you don't contribute and you're therefore worthless or should leave everything in his capable hands so that you don't mess up etc.... and, whether you're conscious of it or not, a little part of you actually believes his crap. He may earn all the cash money in PAYE terms but, if you had gone under a bus 15 years ago he would have had to spend a small fortune paying others to do what you've done since

So ignore that voice in your head because it's his bullshit. :) Listen instead to your legal adviser and other people who tell you that you're doing exactly the right thing

Thanks for support.
I have thought about leaving him so many times, and now that its becoming a reality finally I am getting s**t scared!
Funny how you get used to the 'safety' of a not good home life!

Even a prisoner can get quite attached to their cell...

It's your money too, you've earned it looking after his house and his kids too. Do not let him continue to do this.

Whilst you're at it, make sure you are taking all paperwork. Leave copies for him. That you've squirrelled away your passport/driving licence and so on so when it comes to leaving day there is no last minute panic.

Is there someone else's house you can leave stuff for now?

Take copies of his payslips and bank statements. Take photos on your phone if you can't copy them. Hide/take anything that is of value, money or sentimental, in case it gets lost broken etc. take food from cupboard that last to save you buying it when you leave. Good luck, well done for being strong.