I've been posting about this situation on the dating thread, and have had some brilliant support and advice on there. But I feel really torn about what to do, and I'd really appreciate any views or advice.
The background is that I've been seeing a man since last September. He's generally really lovely, we get on very very well and he said at new year that he loved me, I met his family and he met mine, children all got on really well, all was looking really good.
The downside is that he suffers from depression and has had a lot going on health-wise (apart from the depression) and with his family. He is also starting up his own business, due to open this week, and that has caused him a huge amount of stress. He doesn't deal with stress very well and tends to retreat and push me away when he is feeling low. But I have spent a lot of time and energy supporting him and listening to him about what he's had going on. He will not take ADs or go back to his counsellor.
I have also been feeling unsure recently about his feelings for me as he was quite reticent about telling me he loves me, but when I asked him about it towards the end of January and again at the end of last month he said he does love me, even though I gave him the opportunity to say he doesn't, iyswim. But he is very bad at expressing his feelings, giving compliments, being romantic and those things do matter to me even though they are a bit superficial.
We have recently had a problem when I was going through a difficult time and I asked him to come over to give me some support. He was lovely, said he would, arranged a time and then just didn't show, no phone call or anything. It turned out that he had had a crisis to do with his business and had not felt up to coming over to see me. I texted him to say I was really unhappy about this, wouldn't put up with being treated this way, and all I got back was "You are right in what you say". Anyway, after this I saw him on Sunday night and we had a good time out, talking and laughing. I told him again that his behaviour wasn't on but didn't go on and on about it. At the end of the night though he drove me home and wouldn't come in, didn't give me a kiss either which has never happened before.
We were texting last night and it felt like he was being a bit short with me, so I said I was going, but then I thought, no, I'll speak to him about this and ask him what is going on. So I phoned him up and we had a conversation where he was saying basically that he is fucked up, he is hard work, everything in his life is going wrong, he feels horribly guilty about how he's treated me but he doesn't have space in his head to deal with it, and so on.
I said to him that I am not looking for a lifelong commitment from him, all I want is to have a good time with him and know I'm wanted and loved. I have a horror of foisting myself on people when I'm not wanted and I don't want to get into that situation here. But I just don't know what's going on or what to do. I am supposed to meet him on Wednesday - I said I wasn't going to meet him but then changed my mind.
I am hoping that once his business is open then he will be less stressed and things will get better. He's coming to the end of a long series of difficult events - operations, family bereavements etc, and once the business is open I really hope that he can start to get back on an even keel. I don't know if this is just wishful thinking or if it's worth hanging on for another couple of weeks to see what happens. It's not a long time in the grand scheme of things.
But otherwise I am pretty much coming to the end of my patience with the constant drama and upset. It makes me feel very anxious and insecure which I hate. I never feel like I know where I am with him. I just want something straightforward and good and this does seem very much like hard work a lot of the time. However, I do think I love this man and we have a very, very good time when we are together.
What do you think I should do?