I have had a rocky relationship with my mum for as long as i can remember really. I never came up to her standards which wasn't helped by having a younger brother who was seemingly perfect. I admit i wasn't the easiest of children and as i have grown up i have had problems both physical and MH but i wasn't a bad child.
My husband thinks she is narcissistic and has done for many many years. I honestly don't know what i feel maybe it is me? I don't want to make a huge post so will try to give a brief background, few examples and do my best not to drip feed.
She has very set opinions, except to her they don't seem to be opinions but fact. Should i deviate from outside the prescribed limits initially get condescendingly told its just because of my MH i feel this way or have a certain opinion. It then moves on to being derogatory - being told i am stupid for doing or believing a certain thing. Should i continue the manipulation and blackmail begins.
She didn't approve of me getting married, and when i insisted i was going ahead she said she didn't want anything to do with it. When i then didn't involve her she had a massive argument with me.
When i told her i pg with DD1 her response was "is that it" then hung up on me. When i told her i was pg with DD2 she said "People like you (MH issues) shouldnt have children". When i mentioned we would like to ttc no3 she told me "I would be stupid to have another." She frequently tells me i can cope etc. I would like to stress that she has no idea what our day to day lives are like and so has no idea how i'm coping. She doesn't want to be involved and if she does want to do something it has to on her terms.
She doesn't agree with our schooling choices, basically nothing but the school she works at will be good enough. This has got to the point where she has been ringing me trying to blackmail me saying she cant steel and its having an effect on her health because she is so worried.
maybe i'm just oversensitive, i just feel so fed up of being treated like a stupid naughty little school girl who must be brought into line. She wouldn't dream of talking to her friends that way so i don't understand why its ok to talk to me that way.
So now i don't know if its worth confronting her about it (experience shows it will cause a massive row, for which i will eventually forced to apologise about everything for after which it will be brushed under the carpet and nothing will change) or to just carry on the way we are with me quietly seething and having my self esteem undermined.
There is a lot more to it than this but this is already really long and don't want to make it any longer. I would really just like some insight, is it just me and do i deserve it or is it her?