XH has gone, how to explain to DC?

[crumpeteater]

I separated from XH a year ago (due to his infidelity, emotional & financial abuse and general shitness). Things had been fairly amicable until a couple of weeks ago when he found out I'm seeing someone. He then decided he wanted us to get back together, claimed he had changed, would only ever love me, etc. I made it clear there would be no reconciliation, he became increasingly desperate, culminating in him turning up at my house on Friday evening, forcing entry and refusing to leave. I called the police and they made him leave.

Last night I got a text from him saying he was leaving the country, and didn't know if/when he would be back. He said he would come back immediately if I would take him back.

Since we separated he has seen DC weekly, he hasn't wanted them for any longer than one night a week but it has been regular, they love him very much and have enjoyed their time with him.

I don't know how to explain to them that he has gone and I don't know when he'll be back. They are 7 & 6 and found the split difficult to cope with, it seems like they've only just adapted to how things were and now everything has changed again.

Do you believe him? It sounds like a ploy to me.

I think he's not gone at all. He wants you to beg and plead with him not to go.

Just ignore it. I doubt he is going to. Nothing you could do anyway if he does. He's just trying to manipulate you.

I would wait until you have proof he really means to go rather than just attempting to emotionally blackmail you through the children.

He's trying to control you still, and what Xales said. Tell the children he's going on holiday/away for work, that way if he doesn't show up for contact you have an explanation that won't hurt their feelings.

I'll buy him a drink on the flight if he's actually going anywhere. Sounds like utter tosh.

Offer to drive him to the airport and see him off!

Sorry, got caught up with putting DC to bed. Yes he's definitely gone, flew out this morning. He's been phoning and texting this evening, making me feel guilty, saying he'll never have a family and that we belong together.

He isn't working at the moment and has sufficient money to last him a good few years, especially as he's gone to a very poor/cheap country. He has very few ties in this country, he isn't close to his family and he has no friends here. The few friends that he has all live abroad (in different countries).

I know that he's trying to blackmail me, and there is no chance of me taking him back. I just want to handle this the best way I can for the DC. I don't want them to feel abandoned.

I don't think you're going to avoid your children feeling abandoned if he doesn't see sense and the harm he is doing them and come back. If he doesn't come back to maintain a relationship with them, then they are going to feel abandoned as he will have abandoned them. Other people on here will be able to give better advice as to how you can help them through that. What you are doing is showing them that this sort of manipulation is not an appropriate way to treat another human being. He has decided to leave. He has decided to deprive his children of a relationship with their father. Only he will have to answer for that. I am truly astounded that he could be so callous towards his children. They deserve better.

How old are they? I think telling the the minimum and keeping to the facts, rather than telling them how you feel. But, do emphasis (over and over) that you will never leave them, as they might get scared that you will.