Making me out to be stupid

[Salvador]

My partner of 1 year has a habit of making me out to be thick, I dont know if he does it on purpose or not but its starting to wear thin! He's decided I am a 36D in bra size, Ive told him I'm not but he was adament that I would be and then pointed out a website which has a size calculator on and told me to measure it that way. I looked at it and it was the exact same way everywhere else measures! measuring across the back and then across the bust. I told him "that will just say the same as everywhere else as its the same" but no...he insisted on using this site and trying it "the way THEY say to do it" So I did and I was the size I said I was...I then told him Ive been measuring myself for over 10 years, Im not stupid!

Another time I was making a cup of tea and he came in half way through and told me to do it "his way" and proceeded to show me "his way" was exactly the same as my way yet next time he saw me making a cup of tea he patronisngly told me "ahhh see... you listened and are doing it my way.." for gods sake, I know how to make a cup of tea!

Am I just being grumpy/stubborn or is he taking the piss a bit??

Your not being grumpy or stubborn, my dh does this too, he likes to tell me how to wash up to his standard and how to make him a coffee without spilling any sugar.

Does sound like he's a bit controlling, & maybe someone who's got a compulsive need to be "right". Not really much you can do with someone like that, to be honest, except laugh it off - any other reaction is playing his game (of competing to be Right). If you were to say something airy like "Well I never" or "Learn something new every day, don't you" whenever he corrects or contradicts you, he'll probably tire of the game.

Sounds like a twat. If this were someone I didn't have kids with, I'd dump him.

Why on earth would he insist you measure your bra size?? What's it to do with him?

And if my dp started (seriously) dictating how to make tea, I'd tell him to eff off

I'm sorry but I can't in my wildest dreams imagine being in a relationship with a man like you describe.

Salvador,

What sort of family does this man come from?. That would provide you with many clues. Controlling behaviours are often learnt behaviours often going back a long way so they are deeply ingrained. I would seriously now consider whether you have any future with him at all. Far better to walk alone than be badly accompanied.

You are caught up in a power struggle here and what he is doing is controlling you; albeit subtle but the warning signs are there. This is about power and control. This will be extremely damaging to you over time as his controlling may well increase. Ultimately you may well have to leave him for your own sanity because he will ultimately drag you down with him. It is something that you cannot just laugh off or repsond lightly to, actually doing that will give him the green light to continue.

Many controlling men do not change because they see nothing wrong with their overtly controlling behaviours.

Would suggest you read "Why does he do that" written by Lundy Bancroft. BTW many controlling men are very angry at heart also.

He does sound a little bit controlling, my aunty was married to a man who would say things like "I'll help with the cooking as you know you would only burn it" after several years she was completely at his mercy, didn't even ave the confidence on going for a car journey (as she knew she would get lost), luckily he left her and she came out of herself and built a good life.

i would nip it in the bud.

Nip it in the bud, as April says - My DH insists on doing cleaning, cooking and most of the driving (I know, I know - a lot of women would be grateful!). He doesn't think I'm stupid, it's cultural - his grandmother was not allowed out to buy food or clothes, she was expected to stay home and look after the cooking and the kids - so it could be there are some long-forgotten but still strong ideas of how a 'good husband' should behave. It's not healthy - I ended up going to counselling because I couldn't work out why I felt so strangely angry and powerless (doh!).

That would seriously tee me off. I can see myself walking out of this one. Not a long term prospect. Sorry, Salvador.