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Relationships

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Original poster

You look like crap

20 replies

chump · 03/05/2006 16:04

Does your DH/DP point out to you when you're not looking your best? For instance, we were out the other day and he whilst stood in the bank queue he said "are you tired? you have massive black circles around your eyes...". I said "no...I feel fine..." and he continued with "oh, just that it looks like you have 2 big black eyes, have you been using your eye cream?" .

Another example = "have you ever had your eyebrows plucked?" I said "no, never bothered, why?" so he said "oh...didnt think so...just that theres a few stray hairs above them.."

It does my head in, he's no oil painting himself yet seems to constantly point out what is "wrong" with me, am I over-reacting?

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 03/05/2006 16:07

No. I had a boyfriend like that once - very briefly, as you can imagine. I have to say I was better looking than he was, but he couldn't deal and I felt his throwing out comments like that were meant to cut me down and feel small b/c he was an insecure control freak.

You're not over-reacting. He's being a twunt.

Northerner · 03/05/2006 16:32

No my dh is always complimentary and is forever telling me I look gorgeous

He falls down in other areas though

I'd hate it if he did this. Poor you. Do you point out his eye bags/pot belly/spots etc?

expatinscotland · 03/05/2006 16:44

I'd say stuff like, 'My, aren't we rude and insulting today! Who pissed in your cornflakes, [insert pot belly, no muscles, etc]

mosschops30 · 03/05/2006 16:46

dh is always doing this 'do you know there's a hair growing out of your mole', thanks 'well I was just pointing it out so you can pluck it'

Arent they charming!

blueteddy · 03/05/2006 16:47

Poor you. This must be really horrible for you & do nothing for your self confidence.
Mine doesn't often do this, although I recall him telling me that I wasn't looking my best while pregnant (which I was more than aware of!), but at the same time he never compliments me when I have made an effort.

suedenley · 03/05/2006 17:12

next time he is naked ask if he is cold when he says no say oh its just your penis looks even smaller than normal

sugarfree · 03/05/2006 17:17

Say it reminds you of a button mushroom.

Blu · 03/05/2006 17:20

DP has no sense of tact whatsoever. never feels the need to offer compliments, and thinks nothing of telling me, after a few particularly gruelling nights with a sick child 'ha Ha - you look just like Sly or Gobbo - the one with the thin face and big nose and eye bags, from Noddy!'

But I am well beyond taking it personally or letting it get me down. He's just like it. His mother is worse.

mrsbang · 03/05/2006 17:41

DH says nothing like that to me, in fact when I ask him how I look he says fine/ok without really looking, even when (I think) I look bleugh.

mrsbang · 03/05/2006 17:42

others have given you better tips on what to tell him than I could ever come up with, lol.

suedenley · 03/05/2006 17:47

Oh and dont forget when you next have sex to point out that the ceiling needs painting [during]and if you smoke do that to {also during)

jellyjelly · 03/05/2006 21:55

No asnd i wouldnt let him, when i was in hospital and i hadnt been able to wash my hair for over a week he still saidf i looked and smelt lovely, lies but was nice.

I would point out his bits next time.

charliecat · 03/05/2006 21:58

My dp insists on telling me how awful I look when I look ok. He doesnt mention when I look like bag lady from hell complete with dribbles down jumper.
Im guessing other men would be less likely to notice the bagladyme.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/05/2006 07:18

None of you are over-reacting to my mind.

Such men will only drag you down further with them. It's massive insecurity on their part and their way of exerting control over you. They have the problem, not you. If the control issues are not addressed by him it will get worse. He has to acknoeledge he has a problem re control.

Charliecat and chump, look at it this way. If you look "okay" in his eyes he feels that other men may look at you and you will go off with them. He of course would not mention anything if you looked anything other than "nice" because that to him is not threatening, he feels you are not attaractive to other men. Over time controlling can become extremely damaging to the person being controlled.

Control is all about power. This is what its also about - power held over you.

You may also want to read "Why does he do that" written by Lundy Bancroft.

Do not stand for such crap treatment. These men are supposed to be your "partners" not your keepers!!!.

toadstool · 04/05/2006 11:59

Does he have circles under his eyes and hairy eyebrows, by any chance? My DH never makes comments like that, which is why I'm with him - I had a (very) short fling with a guy who was frankly obese and he tended to say charming things on the lines of 'you should wear trousers like X because your bottom is bigger than it should be'. Amazingly, I never did as he suggested, but his voice still haunts me in fitting rooms...

morningpaper · 04/05/2006 12:07

suedenley @ "Are you cold darling?"

Twinkie1 · 04/05/2006 12:27

Tell him eye cream won't help as it would drag your bags down and make them worse (was told never to use eye cream by a facial surgeon!!)

And you don;t pluck above your eyebrows or it makes them look like they slope down and that will make you look sad oh and whilst we are about it FUCK off and be concerned with your own grooming because last time I looked the old todger area could do with a hit of grecian 2000!!!

Last timre DP said I looked tired I told him I really was and so was going to bed as I couldn't handle people telling me I looked tired and if he mentioned it it must be bad - he had great time looking after 10 month old for 4 hours whilst I had a lovely kip!!!

lazycow · 04/05/2006 13:55

I'm afraid my ex husband did this in the few months before he left me for another woman. Surprisingly he spent the month immediately before he left being really nice to me (guilt obviously).

Is this a new thing or is it how he has always been (after the first flush of love of course)?

The first would be more worrying to me as it could indicate something going wrong in your relationship. Men aren't very direct so he may be telling you that something is wrong by saying you look wrong if you see what I mean.

If he has always been like this, then I hate to say this about your dh but he is a twat. You need to really talk to him about this - it is unacceptable. I agree that in this case it is a power/insecurity thing and if not addressed will cause problems in your relationship anyway. Who wants to be with someone who is so rude. A bit of constructive honest criticism is one thing but the comments you have given seem quite pointed. Can you point out his short-comings? My ex hated comments about him going bald - always a good come-back when he commented that I looked like a bag lady that day.

maltesers · 04/05/2006 17:09

Chump..only just read your first words..sounds like he is trying to put you down because he feels crap about himself.

maltesers · 04/05/2006 17:14

Thats right MEERCAT..you are so correct. He feels insecure and no good. My last boyfriend did that and told me i looked old etc. He was a control freak .

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