Not happy in relationship but struggling to explain why to DP

[WayneTait]

(namechanged)

I have been with my DP for six years and we have two young children (one is almost 3 and one is 9 months). Our first DC was unplanned but we were very happy to have them, demonstrated by us having DC2!

I love him, he makes me laugh and is a great dad but there is no romance. No compliments, no sex. He can be pretty grumpy and if we get any free time he just wants to go off and do his hobby by himself.

I see friends going for meals out or whatever with their husbands and a colleague's partner posted a photo of her with the caption "my beautiful X" and it makes me feel so so shit.

Everyone thinks we aren't married because of me - I don't like weddings - but it's because he's never asked me. He knows I want(ed) to be married (we did Relate counselling online and I wrote it in that. The counsellor was dreadful so we didn't waste any more cash on it as it wasn't money we could easily spare any way).

I once read something on here about not feeling cherished, that would be it really. He's not a horrible man, in fact he is good and kind, but his family are v v odd. We are a bit like Victor and Margaret Meldrew, if that helps.

I don't want to leave, I want to get old with him and our lovely children, but I don't want to feel lonely all my life. I am only 36 and feel sad that there is no romance left for me. Any advice would be appreciated. I have tried to tell him I am unhappy but he just thinks I'm being melodramatic.

Morning all. Thought I might update following the well timed discussion with DH last night.

We had a good chat and sat round the dinner table for ages which we never do. TW I didn't get the feeling he thought I was needy although this is definitely a feeling I have had before. I think he was a bit shocked actually and slightly scared I was going to call time on our relationship. For the first time ever it felt like he stopped and listened to me rather than just assuming this will pass.

We are different emotionally. He is much more practical and reserved (male) than me. He has said he absolutely loves me and that we must work at this not just give up.

He is a kind, generous man. He does loads round the house and shares in the care of our children. I almost feel envious of his open affection for them sometimes and have told him this now. I am particularly snappy at the moment though and not very easy to get close to and I see this in myself similar to another posters comments above.

We have agreed to try and spend some time together, just the two of us. We both do quite a lot with work, children and hobbies and can feel like life is a never ending shift arrangement! Hopefully trying to catch up quietly once a week at least will bring back a sense of connection.

I know he will never be hearts and flowers. I will always need a little more love and support than him! There is a lot going for him tho in the husband and parent stakes so am hoping we actually try and sort this and make life happier!!

Sorry for the dirge! Am on the train to work and too much time to write drivel!!

" I tried it with my ex and he ended up leaving me for a really quiet frumpy woman "

So? Are you saying it's better to be taken for granted and ignored just so that a man sticks around? Are you that insecure? Your ex obviously wasn't the man for you.... doesn't mean you should give this one an easy ride.

BU- That's really good news, hope it works out. We all deserve some happiness.