Is this or isn't this a red flag?

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Regular, n/c

I have a boyfriend and he was married before, no kids. We don't live together.

Last night in conversation his marriage/divorce came up and he kept insisting that he "gave" his ex X amount of money to get rid of her.

My viewpoint is that she got what she was entitled to, as awarded by the judge and he kept insisting that no even though it went to court he GAVE her x amount and she is so lucky because she can pay a deposit on a house blah blah

I'm shocked and a bit upset - it's shown me a side of him I really don't think I like very much. Would you view it as a red flag?

Sounds like an arse.

I wouldn't read too much into it except that he's still bitter and hurt from his marriage. I don't think you have to be abusive to feel angry or hostile to an ex, esp if there was infidelity involved. Change the subject when he talks about his ex. But do look out for other red flags.

One red flag. Keep an eye out for others.

'He kept insisting' - that's the bit that would worry me. You're in the fairly early stage of this relationship and you're finding a sie that is very unattractive and (if taken to extremes) scary. I would be very careful if I were you.

My DH was married before (no kids). There wasn't any money involved at the divorce for which he seemed at time gleeful (she could have gone after a percentage of his military pension).

He did seem vindictive against her at times. He was holding a lot of anger. It took me a while but I gently explained to him again and again that he was still emotionally involved with her and giving her power over his emotions, until he finally settled into a form of indifference. She tried to get back in contact with him a few years ago and we've heard a little about her circumstances which suggest she has a child with a degenerative illness. He can now finally speak compassionately about her. This took about 10 years.

So maybe not a red flag but a past trauma he needs to face up to and let go. The red flag would be how he lets it affect his life from now on, money controlling issues, contempt of women (esp. you) etc.

It would make me very wary/watchful around money matters with him - sounds like he viewed the marital assets as 'his' and clearly the court disagreed, especially as there were no DCs to provide for. Do come back & let us know how things pan out, wont you?

Thanks folks. He's not an arse in any other way and is very generous when we're out but it made me feel like he was totting up in his head how much he'd spent and if I were worth it, you know?