Is my BIL just a shit or what???

[Pruni]

Relationship of 8 years with lovely woman.
She is two yrs older, now 36.
Wants children. They bought a flat together two years ago, plenty of room, she has good mat pay etc. They had discussed it but crucially come to no real conclusion about kids.
She want a bit more of a plan and he then flounders hopelessly saying he isn't sure, he can't talk about it, he doesn't know what he wants etc etc.
Trial separation, she goes off travelling, he goes surfing a lot, she comes back, he's not ready to talk, and so about three months later he still hasn't dumped her...Says he cannot talk to her about it.
My toddler treats people better than that....
Any insights to help me not cut him down to size when I see him tomorrow??

tell him to stop being a child and TALK to her about it.

it may be that he would like children, but is scared of losing what he already has with her.
but he does have to make a decision...

What ajerk he shouldtn leave her hanging on leaving her to stew or she might leave because he isnt saying what he wants and she might go and find someone that does.

It isnt very fair on her is it, if he doesnt want kids then she has to make her up her mind if she wants to go.

I know, I know, he's left it so long she's just assuming he's finished it. Apparently he just goes all red and upset and runs away - and this is an intelligent, articulate thirty-something man, not a blathering lovelorn fifteen-year-old.
I sort of sympathise with him - if he doesn't want to be with her that's hardly his fault - but what the hell is making him be so crap?

I get the impression lots of men avoid telling women straight. They don't want the responsibility of being the one to end it - male friends tell me that's why they don't call after a date. But stringing along someone you've been having a serious, long-term relationship is just cruel.

Can you point out that male fertility also declines as they hit their 40s and that most fertility problems are actually to do with the man (statistically). So he needs to make a decision about whether he wants children or not for his own sake, as well as hers? It isn't as simple as 'I can put off thinking about this, I'm a man'.

It's true about infertility: I just checked out my ivf clinic's new web page with a statistical breakdown of reasons for seeking infertility treatment. Male factor: 32% (the largest chunk on the chart but includes illness-related infertility). Women's age-related infertility: 0.6% The rest were unexplained/due to illness or, mostly, combined male and female factors.

Do you think you'd be able to get him to talk to you about it? You're kind of neutral. It sounds like there is something bothering him.

Or could you suggest he write his partner a letter explaining what the problem is?