Can trial seperations save a relationship?

[freshstart]

Hi

Ive been offline for a while due to computer problems but have it some way sorted now.

My relationship is crap, utter crap. We only got married in July last year but it seems to have just gone downhill so quickly.

I really dont know what to do.

Cant really be bothered to tackle it or fight but wondered if anyone had turned a crap relationship round with trial seperation?

Oh dear freshstart - what happened?

My dh is determined to leave me atm - which I cant be bothered to stop him doing tbh

I have wondered whether we could get back tog but I am not sure if it will be possible

Besides I might decide life without him is better

what has happened to destroy everything for you??/

I dont know but it has happened big and quick!

In no particular order

1. cannabis
2. me working really hard and being shattered but him thinking im just at home so we have this endless who is working harder than who competition and offer no support to each other
3. money problems
4. hardly any time together due to shifts (and football etc)

we cant manage to be nice to each other for more than a couple of days

both of us in constant state of irritation with each other but fine when with anyone else!

freshstart

What do you want a trial separation to achieve and do you think a trial split would honestly help or push you both further apart?.

Presumably as well some of these problems were there prior to your marriage.

Do you think the two of you talking to Relate would help any with regards to problems number 2 and 4?.

Have you tried to address the money situation by getting outside help e.g CAB, CCCS etc?.

As for problem number 1 does he think he himself has a problem with regards to cannabis usage?.

Am thinking off top of my head here so apologies if any of the above has been thought of already or actioned on.

Hi Freshstart

Sorry to hear about your troubles. Agree with attila really. Have you tried to address any of this issues you have? a separation, trial or otherwise, is the route you would take after having a go at sorting them IMO. Have you had/asked for any help with the debt? Cannabis problem, him or you?

FS

I can totally understand the second problem. We went through a similar thing and tbh we had to have a really good heart to heart about it all otherwise our relationship would have been in the gutter.
It really is the only way IMO. Separation won't deal with any of the problems and when you come back together they will only crop up again.

{{{hugs to you}}}

Hav eto agree with the others

Do you love him ?

do you want to save the relationship

Only way is by communication - the problems will still be there after any 'trial' seperation.

communication can be helped by Relate.......

Good Luck

freshy me old mate
:(

fdoe she knwo it has got to htis point?

HE, does HE know

f*cking drugs

sorry to hear this freshstart

yes, he does know

If he didnt before today he does now

I just dont understand what has happened - everything I adored him for seems to have flipped 180 degrees and is now what I hate about him

He told me he was packing today and then did a quick turnabout and starts with all these declarations of how overworked and underappreciated I am etc etc

He has put all the shopping away, done a load of washing, helped loads with the kids, changed the beds ( a first!!) etc etc. This is all very well but its the attitued shift that I need - not just some help with jobs.

Its this bit that Im unsure about - do we have any hope if he has it in him to be so horrible sometimes - I want to be the centre of the universe in his eyes, I know I used to be but I have become 'er indoors in record time.

I need to remember why I love him bt he is making it so bloody hard with his sense of humour failur, selfishness and all the other shite that is clouding my judegement at the moment

hmm so whats the plan now fresy

Everyone I know (including myself in my first marriage) who has had a trial separation, has split up for good afterwards.

If you think the marriage is worth saving then I think your best bet is to try Relate or something similar to see if you can resolve your problems. I know this won't help with the money issues, but if your relationship gets back on track then you should find it easier to deal with the money problems.

Have you at least offloaded your annoying lazy sister freshstart :(
So sorry to hear all this. The excessive cannabis use would be bothering me most of all and could leave you professionally compromised :(

goo point marina

Marina, yes the sister has now gone.

We seem to be making some progress. Since I posted the thread he has been on nighshifts so hardly seen him. A handy mini trial seperation so to speak!

Anyway, he has been saying lots of the right things.

He has taken a day off work tomorrow for us to sit down and go through all the money stuff so that he can take on some of the responsibility.

We have spent quite a bit of time together this weekend which is rare for us and seems to be doing us good. (hardly any dope either)

So.....keep plodding again, I definitely love him and want to keep this marriage going and Im 100% sure that he loves me too just not sure why we can be so destructive towards each other.