Well it's over, now pregnant and alone.

[FromHereToNextTuesday]

DH has ended our marriage. I'm pregnant with two toddlers. He couldn't make his peace with the pregnancy, which was unplanned. He has been vile and completely unsupportive, even when I was ill last year. In the end I pushed him for a decision. He didn't choose me.

I've moved into a nice house with the kids (I would not stay in our poxy marital home without a reason) and he's moved onto 'dating' and spending every hour at the gym.

Stupidly I have slept with him twice since. I'm assuming pity shags, but I'm a sex crazed pregnant person and I fell for it.

Practically, I'm in a better situation. Better house, better area, more support. I am scared of pregnancy and birth alone though. I miss him, mainly physically, but I know I'

I know I'd take him back. Still love him. How do you cope when its simply not reciprocated? When the made vows to you and broke them? Bitter!

Its the familarity you miss. The security of what you have known.

But you cant change the man he his and he seems like a pretty crappy one.

If you did return, all the issues and resentment would be there, you would just be papering over cracks

Only you can decide on what you do, but you are allow to be happy and i doubt that you'd ever be happy with this man the way hes treated you

Well done for everything you've achieved on your own so far, this is the hardest time, but it will pass

Thank you, I think you're right.
I know he will never want me back, do at least that decision isn't mine. Just a shock.

*so

Well done for pushing the decision. It hurts,but you are going to be so much better off. Do keep coming on,support on here can really help when you don't want to talk to family or friends.

"How do you cope when its simply not reciprocated? "

Distance and time. Resist the temptation to keep in touch and rationalising it as 'remaining friendly for the children'. In the early days when you are so vulnerable it is far better for everyone (especially you) if you keep contact to a bare minimum. Very difficult to start with but important to make a clean break, stay busy and divert your energies, sexual or otherwise, into anything other than him. Good luck

Good advice. Now just the birth to get through. There is literally nobody willing to go through it with me. Friends and family have been great, but none too keen on being a birth partner. Tbh I'm not sure I'd want them there

With family and friends as unsupportive as that, you're better off solo. Are you going to any ante-natal classes where you could make more sympathetic friends? Could you hire a doula?

I think I am probably better alone, its just getting through the boring, endless, pain- ridden bit with no one in the room. Or do midwives hang around if there's no birth partner? The actual pushing isn't a problem, wouldn't notice who was there.

My sister has offered, but is squeamish and very 'young', as are my friends. My mum is a wreck if someone has a cough, so isn't keen.

Doula would be brilliant, funds so tight though. Have found a great antenatal group locally, very middle-England but very nice women.

if you tell your midwives they will probably be amazing - and I doubt very much they would leave you alone. i had a similar situation - although exH ended up coming in the end - and all the hospital team were absolutely amazing when they knew my situation. so I'd talk to them first.
and re the doula - you might still be able to get one or a student doula - I would email Doula UK and tell them your circumstances etc.
it's tricky with friends as even your closest friends aren't necessarily the ones you want in a birthing room - I had one lined up but when it came to it I didn't feel at ease enough.
Have you got help for after the birth?

Oh dear I feel for you, that is horrible horrible. But please do not sleep with him, specially if he is 'dating' already. He is selfish to the extreme, and does not deserve any of your time. Best luck

I was asked to be a birthing support last year. I have no children and am single. I am old enough to be my friends mother. Her own mother died some years ago. It was the most amazing and special request, and I felt chosen. Because I was free to say yes, with few major commitments other than work and a busy social life, I can honestly say it was the most special thing anyone had ever asked me to do.

There may well be someone just like me who you can ask. I am the baby's God Mother now and have him every Saturday morning whilst my friend goes to the gym, and I love it. Anyone like me in you life you could ask? Many would jump at it, but try to think of someone who is in a similar circumstance to me. With no children of our own we can spare the time and energy.

If you want your sister there , she might be fine through the first stage .theres not much to be squeamish about unless you are throwing up. And by the time you get to the messy bit , as you say, you probably won't care. I know she's young but she is your family and its not the time to be alone.

I'm so sorry you are in this situation.your ex sounds charming. I hope you have a good lawyer

Hiya, So sorry to hear you're feeling blue but wanted to chip in with some comfort if I may. I had my DD on my own. At the actual birth, I roped in lots of female friends to cover at least a bit of the labour. Some stayed for the whole time, others popped in to rub my back for a bit whilst I laboured at home. Worked really well and cheered me up when another friend arrived! At the end, everyone got chucked out and I did the final bit with just mum (and only because she wouldn't leave).

Where are you located? I would be more than happy to lend a birthing hand or for that matter, just a hand if you're in Suffolk.

Hi didn't want to read and run. I'm in a sort of similar situation as alone and pregnant I'm near the end now but although on the odd occasion I've felt lonely I think it's for the best as I didn't want someone half hearted doing this journey with me. I think it's the same for you especially as he can date already. He may change once baby is here but for now just put yourself and children first. Not sure what to say about birthing partner as my mum is quite good in this situation and firm when needs to be! Which is what I need but if I had to do it alone I would which is the attitude I've adopted in my pregnancy. Hope your ok x x

I was in the same situation 7 months ago. I asked him to leave when I was 6 months pg, mainly because he was unsupportive even though he was desperate for our DS. But now he dots on him and he is really lovely with all of us. But the trouble is I'm out of love with him and his affections are like a curse and it drives me loopy when he thinks we can fix it. He is a fucking manchild and I'm sick of mothering him!

What strikes me the most about your OP is that you're sleeping with him whilst he is dating!! At best avoid, avoid and avoid this or at least dont forget to use protection.You don't want to be treated for STI's esp when you are expecting. You could put your baby in danger inadvertently. I go off sex when pg so I don't know what it's like but in your situation I'd get my rocks off another way other than him. He is a fucking tosser. He is having his fucking cake and eating it. Sorry no pun intended. He doesn't love you, he is dating other people and he is using you to boost his ego whilst flooring yours.It might feel good for two minutes but don't you feel used? Or do you feel like you're using him? homones can be crazy I know

You will be fine at the birth.I was going to be alone but ended up calling him for support and he was so grateful as I had previously told him he was banned from the birth and would get security involved to cast him out even though he wouldn't have missed it for the world

Also, do not get anyone half-hearted for a birth partner, they might disappoint you! My lovely neighbours pledged to help with my other dcs but were nowhere to be seen on the day!

Thanks. Found out tonight that he can't have the kids next weekend because he's going on a minibreak with someone he's shagging.

I think that says it all.

What a waste of my time and life.

If anything him acting like a complete Twat will help ease your feelings of wanting him back

Its not a waste of your life, it was just a hard lesson in how disgraceful some men can actually be

Things will get better