sensitive subject

[rooty]

This is a bit embarassing...I had my first child 6 weeks ago. I had a tear which I feel has healed very well. We decided to have sex one morning about 2 weeks ago and it just felt different, the muscles seemed a hell of a lot looser than before. I thought my boyfriend seemed bored so I got really upset as I was feeling vulnerable and worried enough as it was. He tried to reassure me that this was perfectly normal but I'm not too keen to repeat the experience and would like to know if anyone out there has any tips on strengthening the vaginal muscles. Will pelvic floor exercises help? Or am I destined to have a rather unexciting sex life from now on?

6 weeks, let alone 4 weeks after birth is very early to consider having sex again in most people's view IMO! Well done on having the confidence in view of the tear! Yes, please do the pelvic floor exercises - not only will it help in the "sex department" but also invaluable for your bladder control!

I agree - do the exercise but also I wondered if you were breastfeeding because that can affect your libido plus you may be "dryer" than normal... sex will be exciting again. I think it's great that your boyfriend is kind/understading/patient and he didn't add to your own worries.

I know 6 weeks was a bit early but I really didn't want being pregnant and having a baby to impinge too much on my life - physically. I think I was being a bit naive!
I tried breastfeeding, it didn't work out but libido isn't the problem!!
Our baby was unplanned and I loved being the centre of each others lives. Now we have a gorgeous little boy but he takes up all our time and I'd love to regain just a little of what we had. We are both in our mid-20's and I feel maybe I gave up a bit more than my boyfriend. Saying that, he couldn't be more supportive and I'm very proud of him.

My mum told me to have sex as soon as Icould after the birth, which despite an episiotomy and with the help of alcohol I managed to do exactly 2 weeks to the day. It was pretty much lie back and think of England but within a couple of weeks things were back to normal. I think just getting the first time out of the way is the biggest step. Also don't worry too much about your boyfriend's feelings at the moment. Make sure you're relaxed, comfortable etc..Things really will come ok again, and without being graphic (and apologies for sounding like cosmo) there's more than one way to make love!

rooty, do your pelvic floor exercises, they really do work. I had a similar experience to you, and after a few more weeks of exercises, things were definitely tightening up down there! Good Luck!

Ok, I'll get a babysitter this weekend
Thanks to everyone for the advice. I'm doing my pelvic floor exercises as I type.

Got to be good. You've got me doing my pelvic floors as well.

I also found that comparing the size of your baby's head to the size of your chap's genitals and commenting that it was amazing that that could go through there, didn't make for an enthusiastic performance either.

HWR, I totally agree with what you say about having sex again as soon as posible after the birth.

After my daughter was born 9 years ago, we waited 1 week. After my son was born nearly 5 years ago we waited 5 days and after my daughter was born 12 weeks ago we waited 4 days.

I like to think things are getting back to normal as quickly as possible and it gave me confidence in my body to make love this soon and to know that everything is normal.

Rooty - re. pelvic floor exercises - I find that one of the best ways is to actually do them while you are having sex (sorry to be so crude) - your man will be able to feel you contracting these muscles and you have something to work against.

Jacquikd - Respect to you! I could barely sit down a week after having mine, nevermind manage a bit of 'how's your father'.

I have to say that after one week I was still hobbling around about as quick as my granny. I do think its important for your own self confidence that you have sex as soon as you feel like it. It was for my benefit that I did and although it didn't go as planned, I'm still glad that I had the confidence and the desire to.
Aren't those pelvic floor exercises annoying though? Much harder once you do them right. I would advise every pregnant woman to go to a physio or their ante natal classes to learn them.

Chanelno5. I have to admit that when my latest child was born, I had no stitches or bruising which made it a lot easier. With my first born, I had stitches (although not too many) and with my second born, I only had bruising. Because this birth was so easy, it made it easier to get on with normal life as I had no pain "down below".

Jacquikd - You did well to pop them out without too much trauma to your nethers, what are your secrets? For my 1st, I had an episiotomy and stitches, for my 2nd, I had 2nd degree tear and stitches, and for my 3rd, I had an episiotomy, and guess what.....more stitches! Is it any wonder that I walk like a chicken!

I used to be JacquiKD but have now changed names.

I envy all of you that are still having active sex lives. Me and H (no longer DH) are on the verge of splitting - he told me last night - lovely Valentines Day present and he has been holding back from me on the sex front. I am sure this is his way of punishing me and, boy, am I feeling punished.

We went 3 weeks without him coming near me (the longest we have not got together in 17 years of being together) and in the end I had to ask him if I could use his body. How low can one stoop?

Saying that, after he said last night that we are basically finished, I am not going to lower myself by offering myself to him - even though the thought of not having any is killing me.

When you have a wee pee a little and try to hold it it for as long as possible that's exercising your muscles do that all the time and you'll be fine

I followed all the rules midwife gave and sex was even better after childbirth. I started pelvic floor exercises the day after the birth and still do them every time I go to the bathroom.

Yes, the first few weeks it felt like my insides were going to fall out and I was afraid to sneeze or anything. But it did get better. It's what it's designed for and you can help with the exercises. And yes, I had stitches as well. Be a little more patient with yourself. xx

Just give it time, you'll be fine especially as you managed to do the deed four weeks after having a baby, even if it wasn't satisfactory you weren't in pain or damaged by it. So my feeling is that a few more weeks and lot of pelvic floor exercises will put everything back to normal.

ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE

16 YEARS OLD
This thread can legally have sex it's that old.