Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Dear Ladies and Gents,Please Read Your Bill of RIGHTS.

20 replies

Britannia43 · 02/03/2013 19:46

Hi All,

Have NC, been lurking on MNet for a while and have been going through some Councelling for DV. Therefore, as there are many of us in difficult relationships, I thought of sharing the info I have to help. Having been in a really abussive relationship, I was completely brain washed about what my rights were and it subjected me to more abuse and psychological problems. I'm well now, thanks to my counselor, freedom program, GP, HV, social services and mostly to the refuge that's changed my life.

I'm not sure if there's a similar thread, if there is, kindly do let me know.

Your Bill Of Rights in a relationship

You have the right to BE you.

Right to put yourself first.

Right to be safe

Right to love and to be loved

Right to be treated with respect

You have tHe right to be human and not perfect

You have the right to be angry and to protest if you are treated unfairly or abusively by anyone.

You have the right to your own privacy.

You have the right to your own opinions, to express them and to be taken seriously.

You have the right to earn and control your own money.

You have the right to ask questions about anything that affects your life.

You have the right to make decisions that affect you.

You have the right to grow and change (including changing your mind)

You have the right to make mistakes.

You have the right NOT to be responsible for another adults' behavior or problems.

You have the right not to be likes by everyone.

You have the right to control your own life and to change it if your are not Happy with it as it is

There are many more Rights, therefore, please, do post away any other right you would like to share to help others. If you are in an abusive relationship, You have the right to Leave anytime and to NOT explain to your abuser/abusers

OP posts:
Charlie97 · 02/03/2013 20:19

Is this not the same for men? Are these not basic rights for both sexes?

BitBewildered · 02/03/2013 20:23

Charlie97 I can't see where the gender is specified. Please could you tell me? I agree with you, btw, these are universal rights.

BitBewildered · 02/03/2013 20:25

Ah, I see, the title!

catinboots · 02/03/2013 20:28

Fucking hell Charlie. Splitting feminist hairs where there isn't one to be split!

Maybe be pleased for this woman who has found some peace and clarity?

FFS.

Lozislovely · 02/03/2013 20:31

Such a good idea. I'm going through separation after 20 years and all that you've posted is making me realise what I didn't have the strength to be for all those years but I've finally begun to see the light!!

Thank you Smile

Charlie97 · 02/03/2013 20:43

Ahhhhhh does the title not say ladies? Or am I really stupid?

Charlie97 · 02/03/2013 20:45

Catinboots don't understand your point?

JammySplodger · 02/03/2013 20:46

That's a great Bill of Rights, something anyone who's suffered / suffering abuse should have, be they man, woman or child.

Charlie97 · 02/03/2013 20:48

Agree jammysplodger! X

Britannia43 · 02/03/2013 21:22

Dear Charlie ,

My apologies to you and other gents on Mumsnet for addressing the thread 'to Ladies' .

Certainly, these Rights are for both sexes. I was only specifying from my very own experience.

You do have the right to protest and report the thread if you so wish. But I will try to email Mnet HQs for the titLe to be edited.

I hope these helps.

Thanks.

OP posts:
Diagonally · 02/03/2013 21:36

That's great Britannia.

I particularly like the one about the right to be angry and protest about being treated abusively.

I've had relationships with three abusive men over the years and I never got angry at their treatment of me. I just felt terribly ashamed and thought I had caused the poor treatment in some way.

I know better now and let myself get angry sometimes even though some things happened over 20 years ago.

Charlie97 · 02/03/2013 21:36

Britannia I am sorry that you have had these issues! You do not deserve them, no one does! I actually don't care if you are male or female! The point is everyone has basic rights!

I was not having a 'dig' at you!

I am sorry if I came across this way!

As a mum of two boys, I worry that they can be hurt too!

Take care and hope things work out for you xxx

Britannia43 · 02/03/2013 21:41

Hi Lozis , I'm glad you are able to see the light after 20years. From now its Onwards and Upwards :) .

I'm Glad I helped.

Charlie97 , I have emailed MNet HQ to edit the title of the thread. Feel free to post away any advice you have.

OP posts:
Britannia43 · 02/03/2013 21:48

Diagonally your answer to..
I've had relationships with three abusive men over the years and I never got angry at their treatment of me. I just felt terribly ashamed and thought I had caused the poor treatment in some way.

Is that in no way at all were you responsible for their poor treatment towards you.

I hope you are able to know what you you can and cannot accept in a relationship ie if your not in another yet.

Goodluck :)

OP posts:
catinboots · 02/03/2013 21:54

Charlie - I was having a dig because I though you we're having a dig at OP for being one-sided/sexist

Soz

So many bloody crusaders on here at the mo, I can't see the wood for the trees

WineWine
ThanksThanks

Charlie97 · 02/03/2013 22:01

Catibnboots I wasn't I am sorry if I came across that way!

I am a fiercely protective mum of my two lovely boys! And I would beat the living daylights out of them if they disrespected anyone let alone their female partner!

But there s good and bad with both sexes!

Can I offer a Thanks?

No offence honest x

Charlie97 · 02/03/2013 22:02

Oh and we could ave a few WineWineWineWineWine

Lol

Xx

RowanMumsnet · 05/03/2013 09:11

Hello

We've added 'and gents' to the title now at the OP's request.

MrsMorton · 05/03/2013 10:32

I especially like the one about the right to change and change your mind

OberonTheHopeful · 05/03/2013 12:56

I think that's a good list, it reminds of some things I covered with a DV support worker a while back as well as in an assertiveness session. I have a couple of (general) qustions. Would people regard this list as applying to any close relationship, including a friendship (personally I would say so)?

Also, what do people understand by the term 'respect' in relation to inter-personal relationships? The OED says having a "due regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others" (n) and to behave with "due regard for (someone's feelings, wishes, or rights)" and to "avoid harming or interfering with" (v). To me this come down to considering the effects of what we do on others, taking them into account as it were and not taking them for granted. I'd say there is an element of mutuality of trust. I'd be interested to know if anyone has any ideas about what this means in practice.

I raise this because I think I have had far too much of a tendency to accept things that I shouldn't have (still do probably) and should be more boundaried.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page