Do you think this is fair? - I'm having a moan.

[PanicPants]

Dp has just come home from work to tell me that he's going to do on a 3 day 'team building' with work activity holiday in June. It's mountain climbing, canoeing etc etc

Now I don't mind him going, but can't help feeling resentful, so far since ds was born and while I was pregnant, dp has:

Gone to edingborough to watch rugby
Gone to watch the live eight concert
Gone to watch steriophonics
Gone to derby for conferences for work
Spent countless nights away due to work
Had to go to edingborough for nan's funeral for 3 nights
Now is going to go on this holiday thing.

I couldn't go to any of these because of ds or being heavily pregnant at the time, and of course most of the above are not pleasurable. BUT it's the attitude he has, he doesn't come home and discuss these things with me, he comes home and says (all excited so I get excited) 'guess what, I'm going to go canoeing etc'
And it's such a let down, all I can think is Oh great thats another 3 night's Ill be on my own, on top of all the nights away with work.

I know it's selfish and I'm only Jealous, but it really annoys me, I've had 1 night out on my own in all the time I've been pg and hav had ds, and then dp had the cheek to say to me

'well whose going to have dp? I might want to go out'!!!!!!!!!!

And when I was moaning tonight about never going out he says to me 'well thats why your going back to work full time isn't it? Wtf???

Want to scream

OK rant over.

Well, i agree with you that going to Edinburgh for his nans funeral, and a conference in Derby are definitely NOT pleasurable.

As for the rest....are you peeved that he doesnt include you or ask you, or just that he seems to be having fun and you arent?

Either way, if you want to compete with him for fun days out - you are either going to have to join him and find someone to babysit, or organise your own days out/leisure pursuits etc the same way he does.

Am peeved because he has a life and I don't (OK I am of course over exaggerating and feeling terribly sorry for myself)

Most of these are through work so I couldn't go anyway. I was 8 months pg for the live8 concert and ds was only 3 weeks old for steriophonics concert. Its just circumstance really.

Feeling better for having a moan and getting it out of my system already.

Will obviously have to go shopping when he's away and spends lots of money :o

Exactly

Make sure you buy yourself something glam for the night out you are going to arrange VERY soon .....

have you sat and talked to him, after recently been through a really heart breaking time with my DH we have found the best medicine for being peed off with one another is actually talking, and getting the things off your chest that annoy you, preferably in a non confrontational way.

it is hard when the babies are young, I remember feeling like I suddenly had all of this responsibility and DH was off acting as if he was single, however a few years on and we go out as much as each other, but have had to make time for us to go out together.

His comment about who's going to have the baby he might want to go out, in our house whoever is making arrangements second sorts out the baby sitter.

Sit down together and talk this through before it becomes a real problem, and you never know you might find that handsome devil you fell for before babies, I know talking helped me to

p.s. going back to work full time means sorting out a rota I'm afraid, hope he realises he's going to have to do his fair share of housework, cooking and baby care.

The magic fairies are made redundant when you go back to work !

lol at 'handsome devil'

mine is, was definitely innocent before him, and he's got better with age

Yes I know, I've already warned him that he'll have to help get ds ready in the mornings as I don't think I can do it all on my own. Dp doesn't have to be anywhere at a certain time, but does like to get an early start on the traffic, but I'll have to be at work by 8 at the latest, and unless I get up at silly o'clock he will have to help.

Oh and we're going to see the Rugby cup final in cardiff soon. (Hate rugby, but bought dp tickets for his birthday so have to go with him) and dp has just reminded me that I've got that to look forward to

we have 2 DS and when we were just trying to do things we'd both get annoyed, I'd assume he just KNEW what I wanted him to do and vice versa. So we sat down and worked out what time we both needed to be out by and on what days, what days each of us could leave work early or work late, and it works like clockwork now.

I know I'm on school run Weds and Thurs and I do pick up tues and Fri, he does school run every other day, one pick up and afterschool 2 nights - but if we need to change we try to give as much notice as possible.

and just a tip, have a couple of weeks trial run before you go back, so he is used to what he has to help with, and you as well, the last thing you need on your first day back is to be stressed, it does take longer to get ready for work with a baby even with help tbh

Well, when dh goes snowboarding, I make sure that I but in loads of lovely food and have girls' nights. I also rent loads of DVDs and have treats if I fancy it!

it's hard I think (certainly for me) because

• everything he does he does with his brain (work, socialising)
• everything you do you do with your body (cleaning, cooking, cleaning, cleaning)

and even if he is working, it's more rewarding

batters-thats it exactly, he can only do all these lovely things because I'm here at home as his live in cooker, cleaner, baby sitter etc etc.

He does deserve all these treats as he works hard with long hours, andstill puts time in with ds. Its just I think I'd like some treats too (that didn't involve rugby!)

We're fine we haven't argued or anything, I was just feeling fed up, AND I'm due on too so am pre-mentsrual!

Book yourself something! My dh and I are in a similar postion re work, but if I organise something for myself, he is all for it. I'm sure your dh would be too.

PanicPants can't you arrange a night out with your friends? I am going for a curry on Monday night and it will cost less than £10 (is take your own booze) but I will enjoy it. I arranged it, informed DH, who ignored me and booked himself to be working away, told me, got told off and re-arranged it.

Panicpants
I know exactly how you feel, dh currently working 6 days a week, (for himself), and plays golf Wed after work, cricket meeting Thursday pm and cricket on Sunday afternoon till late. Like you I know he works really hard and needs to go out some of the time, but there seems to be no consideration that I need to go out as well. He totally takes it for granted that I will be here to look after the kids, there will be food in the cupboard, clean clothes to wear etc. etc.
Like somebody said on here before, we seem to be living parallel lives - me and the 2 children, him and his work and sport. Anyway, at least I have a holiday to look forward to - camping with a load of 'friends' I hardly know, my dh's golfing mates + families, I am supposed to be getting all excited but I am actually dreading it.
Sorry to go on, once you start it is good to get it off your chest. It is just the attitude and selfishness that really gets me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh helennn you sound just like me, but I think you're probably even worse off.

Its the total taking for granted that you'll be there to look after the children no matter what they plan.

Lol, glad Im not alone on these issues.

Dh works Mon - fri from 9 to 5 in an office (I work 3 mornings and Sundays)

He has same routine every week -
Tues eve - pub till late
Wed eve - footie practice
Fri eve - pub with mates till late

It does get boring and I do get fed up with it, he says 'you can go out when you like'. I have an odd night out with the girls on a fri evening. But on the eves he is in, I want to see him!

I think for woman, we feel like our whole life and routine has changed with having babies. Men who work still have the same life - they do what they have always done and dont see it from the 'other side'.