Help! Irrational jealousy - a fallout from the ex's infidelity

[BeforeAndAfter]

Aaagghh - I thought I was pretty much back to the old me, before my ex's infidelity, but it would seem that's not the case.

I met a guy on holiday last November - I live in London and he lives in Edinburgh which we both accept. We just clicked and I think he's drop dead gorgeous and he seems to have the same opinion of me. So, what's the problem?

Since Valentine's Day my head has been full of total paranoia about other women... this is totally irrational, undeserved and completely stems from my ex's non-stop lies during his affair. I have never been a jealous person - I was never like this before, not even slightly and now I am just tormented. Obviously the distance between us doesn't help but even if he lived 5 miles down the road I know I'd be the same and would probably be worse as I could sit in a car outside the poor bloke's house noting all female visitors ...

I couldn't live with the torment any more so I had an insane moment and called everything off in a spiral of paranoia as the more I feel for this man the worse I am getting. I know I've fallen in love with him but I can't bear the thought of being consumed by this irrational jealousy.

I did see a counsellor to help me get over my marriage break down and I'm seriously thinking about going back to see if he can help me with this because I fear these demons will wreck any potential partnerships I have. Has anyone else experienced irrational jealously and got over it? Do any of you have survival tips / coping mechanisms for this?

It's not just about irrational jealousy, is it? It's about being irrational full stop.

You may have fallen in lust with this guy but it would be irrational to describe it as love or allow it to consume your every waking or spare moment.

The fact that you're experiencing bunny boiling symptoms so early in the game suggests that you have some deep rooted insecurity about your ability to be all things to a man in the same way that you've rushed to believe this particular guy could be the be all and end all for you.

As you're right in assuming that, regardless of geographic distance, the green-eyed monster will rear its ugly head when you again alight on an attractive prospect, or think better of your decision to bin the kilted one, I suggest you invest in half-a-dozen or so more counselling sessions to unearth your fears and dispense with them once and for all.

One effective way of putting our fears to the torch is to feel them and do it anyway, but I hesitate to recommend this course to you in case you take it literally and are discovered parked up outside some unsupecting bloke's home with binoculars, blanket, and a thermos

Thank you Izzy

Reading that my behaviour could be irrational, full stop, was a bit of a shock but actually rings true. I do feel incredibly insecure about being able to tell if a man's words or deeds are real or not and I think that's because the ex lied to me for so long. I've always been a bit fast-track in terms of falling in love but I was never insecure and maybe that's my new label, for now. I'm definitely booking some counselling sessions after seeing how much binoculars are on e-bay