Does his ex have the power to wreck our entire future??

[Billieta]

I'm due to meet DP's teenage kids next weekend. Its something we have worked up towards (with their knowledge) and planned for a while. It then occurred to me that his ex could throw a spanner in the works by saying it's not to happen. I've never met her but have been told she's very awkward, over-controlling and spiteful (not just by dp, others have said it too). So I said to DP "what would you do if she says you're not to introduce us?" and he replied "well, what could I do?"

So - lets image worse case scenario and she decides I'm not allowed to meet the kids - if he says he's going to do it anyway she's likely to stop him having access at all - where do we go from there?

We're supposed to be buying a house together in 6 months time - that will never be able to happen if I can't meet his kids, surely? otherwise how will he have weekend access?

Is it one of those scenarios where we basically let her "win" and call an end to the entire relationship??

They have been divorced nearly 3 years btw.

How long have you been together? Also how nearby do the DCs live?

His ex has no power in this whatsoever. Your DP can do what he likes and introduce his DC to whomever he likes during his contact time with them. Given that they are teenagers and not babies it is up to them too. If their mother has a problem with them meeting you it is unfortunate but her problem.

She cannot cancel contact because of rhis. Relax, you sound lovely to be so concerned.

Also if I were your DP I would simply not mention the plans to introduce you.

Same boat here. Even though she is married with a new baby she still refuses sensible access, and can't bear it if her son has a good time with us. I have children from whose father I am separated, and I come from divorced parents, as does my partner. I can't believe the depths some people will plunge to to score points. Sad, toxic and hugely detrimental to the affected children.

There's a fair amount of what ifs in your OP - why not cross that bridge if you come to it, which might never happen?

It is difficult to be controlling of teenagers, no matter how awkward you want to be.

If they want to see him (and meet you) there will be very little she can do about it.

Scaevola is right-in the end teenagers tend to set their own agenda.

We had this with one of my dsc (the other came to live with us for a while when his mum asked him to choose). Hard as it is, you have to try to ignore it and not get involved - leave access discussions to dp.

She can't prevent you from meeting the children, in the same way that she can't prevent them from meeting anyone else while they are with your DP.

I am in the reverse situation and I'd be damned if ex would prevent me from having another relationship, introducing him to DS, or even having to meet him.

If the boys are teenagers, they have much more saying on who they want to see and when.
They may even choose to live with their dad.