Sleeping in separate rooms - how would you tackle this?

[freddiefrog]

I think DH is making this into something it's not to be honest, but it upsets him quite a lot.

Two or three times a week - sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on how tired or busy I am I sleep in the spare room. I just see it as a way to get a decent night's sleep, he seems to take it as some sort of rejection

I am a terrible sleeper, I take ages to actually fall asleep, then once I am asleep, a sparrow farting in the next street is enough to wake me, then I take ages to fall asleep again, sometimes he only has to touch me in his sleep to wake me up

DH fidgets and twitches, and whilst he's not an express-train type snorer, he breathes quite heavily which disturbs me, if I go to bed early and fall asleep before he comes up he always wakes me up (not deliberately) so I beat a retreat to the spare room for some peace - it also means that when I'm struggling to sleep, I can put the light on and read without disturbing him, instead of tossing and turning in the dark - win-win for both of us I would have thought

Sometimes I'll start off the night in our bed, then de-camp, sometimes I'll just say 'look, I'm knackered, I'm going to bed early and will sleep in the spare room'

I'm tired and irritable and get niggly with him as I resent him for disturbing me, albeit unintentionally, while he's getting his 8 hours uninterrupted beauty sleep

He seems to take it as some sort of rejection, when really, I'm just really, really tired/have a busy day or early start the following day, and I just see it as the best way for everyone to get some sleep

I do the same from time to time - a whole double bed to myself BLISS with the added benefit of the children don't know I'm there so they wake DH up in the morning. Good for a weekend lie in.

I think it's fine but if he's feeling rejected, he's feeling rejected and you do need to have that conversation and do some reassurances.

I have tried talking to him about it.

To be honest, and I know it's not helping, but I just find myself irritated - its not about him, it's about me, getting a decent nights sleep instead of struggling on dead on my feet.

Keep explaining to him why it is you are sleeping away from him, reassure him that it is only so you can sleep.
You could try joining him in bed for the last half hour before getting up time and wake him with an expression of your affection (If he likes that sort of thing of course). Then perhaps he won't feel you are rejecting him.

Thanks!

We had a bit of a row about it this morning, I think I'm getting a bit impatient with him about it. It feels like he's being all ME ME ME ME ME! about it, without acknowledging how I might be coping with lack of sleep, which is obviously not helping him

Will have to have another chat with him

Me and DH have not slept in the same room for 5 years because of his horrific snoring. He's tried EVERYTHING including an operation which worked for a bit, but he needs to loose weight and get a mouth brace fitted which costs £800 which we can't afford. So I gave up a long while ago trying to get him to sort it out. I sleep fab!