Anyone else have a DH/DP with BiPolar Disorder?

[moniker]

My DH has Bipolar II - recently diagnosed but has had it since his teens I would say. I'm looking for some support and ways of dealing with it if you can help. We have two DSs age 6 and 4 and I'm worried about how his illness affects them as its certainly affecting me. We've just had an awful weekend and I'm on a bit of a downer about it myself today.

I'll happily give more info if needed! THanks.

Hi Moniker - I haven't heard that BP gets worse over time, I think the 'quality / intensity' of the moods can vary, though.

Re. coping strategies - I would recommend that your h keeps a diary of his moods. It just needs to be a simple thing recording how he feels day by day. This can help identify a pattern. Of course, not all BP follows a pattern - I don't think mine does.

It can be hard to identify / predict mood changes, but this is the key to handling bipolar.

I really would push him to take medication, tbh. I think he needs to understand that you are ALL having to cope with his illness and that, if he is going untreated, then there is the risk that things will get worse.

Do you get 'time out' too? It's important that you have time for yourself and that it isn't all about him.

You're right not to try reasoning with him. Do you let him know when you think his mood is changing? I sometimes get a bit cross when my h mentions that I seem 'high', but at the same time it helps me handle it.

HTH - love Bobbie xxxx

Hi moniker, my dh has bipolar II (they think) with some psychotic features. A bit different from your situation as my dh was diagnosed 18 years ago and has been on meds ever since, but it is hard, both for him and for you. I think it is very difficult if he won't acknowledge it is hard for you, and I hope you are finding some response here that helps you - certainly looks good.

Stuff that has helped him and me includes:
Mood diary: dh scores his mood from 1-10 every day and records it. It is amazing how the patterns and triggers leap out, although you will usually know what they are anyway. It could allow your dh to see them too. From what you say I doubt your dh is the kind of person who would really want to do this, but I REALLY recommend it.

Books: the two that have helped me most are An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison and \link{http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0824729358/qid=1147356403/sr=1-24/ref=sr_1_2_24/203-8206136-6294354\Bipolar Disorder} by Kaspar Siegfried (I think it's this one). Both are by psychiatrists so both have a pro-meds approach (Kay Jamison says she believes it is malpractice to treat bd without them) but KJ also has bd herself. You don't have to agree with all of it to find helpful things in some of them.

Acceptance - I feel really lucky that dh had long accepted his diagnosis by the time he met me. I have at least one friend who would say he is too compliant with his meds, but I am so grateful that he is, personally. I think it can take a long time for both him and you to accept such a major diagnosis and translate it into what it really means for you. Don't persevere with books, groups etc that don't feel right for you, but don't give up on searching, if you can, or on the things that work for you.

Awareness - my dh tried fish oils and promptly got gout! Be aware of any physical symptoms that do result from changes like this.

CPN - if your dh gets referred to the Community Mental Health Team and is willing to see a CPN, they can be real gold dust. The guy my dh sees is just genius.

Therapy - possibly useful, possibly not. Your dh should get somebody good via the NHS, don't muck about with someone who hasn't got a lot of experience in bd. My dh thinks his therapy probably hasn't helped him that much, but he only really had much of it after 17 years of illness when he'd learned all the stuff himself anyway...

Caring is tough on you - that needs accepting too. Do go to your GP.

sorry, yet more.

i am very, very afraid that ds will inherit bd. There is a risk - I just have to keep my eyes open I guess. If anyone knows any info about the heritability of bd I'd like to see it.

it really helps me to be able to tell people about dh. can he say what he is afraid of? does he associate being mentally ill with not being other things? dh btw is a very highly qualified lawyer although certainly sometimes has problems with work - he is just starting to work for himself as a result which we know will be better if we can make it happen.

Hi Acnebride - This is what the Bipolar Organisation (www.mdf.org.uk) says about the inheritance of bipolar:

"Does manic depression run in families?
This is very difficult area, both in terms of the concerns it may raise for family members, and because our understanding of the genetic component is very limited. We can talk about the family incidence of bipolar disorder in only a very general way. Whilst we know that children of people who have bipolar disorder have an increased risk of developing the condition themselves, this needs to be put in context. Overall, the risk that a child with a parent who has the diagnosis will develop it him or herself is put at about 10-15%. The risk is somewhat higher where both parents have the diagnosis, but risks differ depending on different circumstances and, once again, it is difficult to generalize. The risk that siblings of the person with the diagnosis will themselves have children with the condition is very small indeed. Your G.P. can refer you to a genetic counsellor if you wish to discuss your concerns."

Neither of my parents have bipolar, although they have suffered from depression. I believe that my great grandfather on my dad's side, as well as my great uncle on my dad's side, may have had bipolar. I don't know anything about my mum's family as she is adopted.

Having said that, medication and understanding is developing all the time. I also worry that my son will inherit bp, but I hope that, if he does, the medicine will be more effective and have fewer side effects by the time he needs them.

I think keeping a mood diary is a great idea. It's amazing how often you can see a pattern forming.

xxx

The mood diary is a great idea - thanks! I think we really need to have a proper discussion about his moods too. Also, I've realised I know someone who works in mental health and so have asked them for some support. I'm going to go to the GP to flag up that I need support too.
I'm also worried about my DSs - especially DS1 as he is SO like DH. I'm keeping a close eye on him and take him to a homeopath to try to help.
This has been SO helpful - thank you - it’s reassuring to know that others have found ways through this. Mx

Hi moniker,

really know very little about bi-polar execpt what I have read on this thread. do know that you're not supposed to heat up or freeze fish oil as it reduces the effects.

there are some new strawberry eye q ones out which are not fishy so maybe your ds could try those

good luck with everything