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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

am i over reacting...?

27 replies

ConfusedBeing · 26/02/2013 22:04

this could be a long one btw...
I have name changed also.

Im not sure if I'm over reacting or this is post natal hormones or even if I'm maybe suffering from pnd (I don't think I am)

to put you in the picture of my life, I have a 2yo dd from a previous fucked up relationship...only real reason I left him was because after dd was born he totally ignored me and dd, it was like we no longer existed to him and I then fell out of love with him, he was my childhood sweetheart, we got together rather young, had dd when I was just 19. anyway he hasn't seen dd for a year now, he began stalking me, dangerously driving into me trying to knock me off the road, he takes drugs... list is endless!

I met my now dp just over a year ago, hes generally lovely and is amazing with dd, I quickly became pregnant and dp was over the moon and stopped me having an abortion (glad I didn't as I have the most amazing ds now!). I assumed he'd really into it as he was so keen to start with, but after 25weeks the only mention of the pregnancy was to tell me I'm fat!... I was not, I'm a size 6/8 and my bump was really small, I was having growth scans Every other week to keep an eye on baby as I was that small, Im reallyyyy self contious anyway and he knew this so it upset me :(

when I went into labour dp totally dismissed my concern and went as far to tell me I wasn't in labour and that I was only 37weeks so couldn't be ( regardless of the fact I had dd at 32weeks) I was at home in agony till I rang my mum because I felt like I needed to push, she took me to hospital where I had ds after 10mins of being there (very quick labour of 3hours 15mins) ... when dp realised I was serious he was good to be fair and he was supportive. but I don't understand how he could of totally disregard my pain when I was bent over the banister at home literally crying and cursing in pain :-/

when ds was just a week old dp and his twatish brother took over my house ALL weekend and turned it into a Xbox den... while I struggled with a newborn and a 2 yo..m there's more details to that weekend but it's not really relevant so I won't go into too much detail, I just felt totally isolated in my own home and didn't leave my bedroom all weekend!

I feel like I no longer bf ds because of dp... he thought it was disgusting and that I was being rude if I left the room to bf ds when we had visitors over, I really wanted to feed ds myself as I couldn't dd as she was tube fed for weeks and in scbu and by the Time I could have fed her my milk had gone :(

dp snores loudly so he sometimes sleeps downstairs, when ds was 10 days old, valentines eve, he slept downstairs... I went down at 2am to make a bottle and noticed dp didn't have a cover so I went and got the spare duvet and placed it over him, his phone flashed because it had low battery and on the screen was a picture of a woman with her breasts out... I took the phone and had a look, he'd been on dating sites :( chatting up woman over double his age and getting them to send him DISGUSTING pictures (my tummys turning just writing this :( ) he couldnt have been sexually frustrated as i gave him oral that afternoon!! after we argued about it for 2 days I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt as he said he felt rejected by me as I spend all my time with ds (true) and he was just bored and that he's really sorry... just annoys me that I was upstairs trying to comfort our son who doesn't sleep well at night and he was downstairs totally disrespecting me instead of coming up and helping me!!

I'm not over that and Im now constantly sneaking off with his phone to check it... I hate feeling like this :(

i had ds 3 and half weeks ago and i know you should leave sex and things 6 weeks but after his constant Jibs at "when can we have sex again" I decided when he made his move this afternoon I'd go along with it...big mistake, I told him to be gentle but I swear to god I was in a porn movie! he was really hard and really rough, sorry tmi, but to the extent I've had a tummy ache since and I'm lightly bleeding again ( stopped bleeding 5 days ago) ...

I feel like shit :( :( :(
dp doesn't know I feel like this, infact I kissed him goodnight about 20mins ago :-/

am I over reacting, is it hormones... or has everything thats happened in the last 2 years just hit me all at once :(

Im quite a "hold it together" kind of person, no one would know how I feel, I hide it really well, it's times like this when the dc are asleep, dp is downstairs and I'm in bed that I

OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedBeing · 26/02/2013 22:06

posted too soon...

I'm in bed that I cry it out.

sorry really long, just needed to get it out!

OP posts:
Lucyellensmum95 · 26/02/2013 22:09

Wow - you can pick them can't you! :(

CatelynStark · 26/02/2013 22:12

I'm really quite shocked at what you're putting up with. Boot the twat out!

ceramicunicorn · 26/02/2013 22:12

You're not over reacting at all. He sounds so insensitive. I'm sorry you're going through so much at a time when you naturally feel very vulnerable.

Have a big hug from me.

Xales · 26/02/2013 22:17

No. You are not over reacting. Sad

MorphandChas · 26/02/2013 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whitewineformeplease · 26/02/2013 22:21

This is terrible, your DP is being an insensitive shit. I suppose it's at times like these when you can see what your relationship is really like, and it seems to me that you have someone that doesn't respect you, hence the comments about your weight and not believing you when you went into labour, not to mention his behaviour since the birth. He's carrying on like a childish arsehole who is annoyed over the lack of attention since the new baby arrived.

His lack of consideration during sex is just disgusting. Never feel like you 'have' to have sex to please your partner. If he doesn't understand why you might not want to have sex at the minute then he's a moron. The looking at pictures and dating sites is another indication of how little he respects you, the woman who just gave birth to his child. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with such a lowlife? I'd be packing up his xbox and all his other crap and telling him to fuck off. You deserve better.

HumphreyCobbler · 26/02/2013 22:21

He is an abusive shit. What kind of bloke pesters his wife for sex when she has just had a baby and then is so rough as to make her bleed? Seriously, you need to get out of this relationship.

You deserve so much better. I remember your other thread.

ImperialBlether · 26/02/2013 22:23

OP, didn't you post about this prick when you were fed up with him being downstairs with friends when you'd just had your baby? The advice then was to get rid.

Things won't get better, you know. You have far more chance of getting rid of him now, with a new baby, than later when you're even more downtrodden.

You deserve a much better life than this.

Beamur · 26/02/2013 22:23

No, you're not being unreasonable at all. You have a tiny baby and your DP should be treating you kindly and with respect - blaming you for 'neglecting' him for your newborn baby and rushing you into sex is pretty shitty behaviour.

ivanapoo · 26/02/2013 22:23

I actually feel sick reading this. PLEASE get out of this relationship.

pictish · 26/02/2013 22:26

oh dear OP. My heart lutched for you reading all that.
He is awful isn't he?

What do YOU think you should do?

ChipTheFish · 26/02/2013 22:27

You and your DC deserve better than this idiot. He sounds immature and insensitive. You are not overreacting, I'm surprised you have managed to hold your tongue so far and not tell him what a dick he is being.

You shouldn't be made to feel guilty for spending time with your ds. He deserves your time and attention a lot more your waste of space partner. And you sound like a great mum, so don't let him convince you otherwise.

LadyWidmerpool · 26/02/2013 22:28

Bin him. Tonight if you can. He sounds loathesome. You absolutely do not need someone like that.

Original poster
ConfusedBeing · 26/02/2013 22:30

bugger, was hoping people wouldn't recognise me from past posts :(

cant leave, my family aren't very supportive, I have 2 dc with 2 different men, dp is good with dc, not to mention we're moving over 100miles from where we live now in 3 days!!! :(

ffs I'm 21 and a walking failure!!!

OP posts:
Cheddars · 26/02/2013 22:33

Not overreacting at all. He isn't your 'dp'. He doesn't care about you and he isn't your partner because a partner would help you.

Get rid of this twat as soon as you can and move on!

ivanapoo · 26/02/2013 22:34

You CAN leave. It must seem impossible I know but you can. Do you have friends which will help you? Don't carry along this road. You are still so young.

feetlkeblocksofice · 26/02/2013 22:35

You're not a walking failure, you are a lovely trusting woman who has been let down twice, LTB you deserve so much better and so do your DC's.

Beamur · 26/02/2013 22:37

It sounds like you have a window of opportunity to make a change to your life in 3 days time...

Xales · 26/02/2013 22:41

You are the one with the weekend arsehole I thought it sounded familiar.

He is now physically harming you.

Good with DC? He spent the entire weekend with friends, treating you like shut and then stropped off while you were struggling to breast feed and didn't even give you food.

How good will he be to your DD if he goes on about fat women and treating you like shit in front of her?

If at all possible cancel your moving without telling him and let him go alone.

It will not get better.

You are 21. How many years do you want to spend being hurt like this?

LittleEdie · 26/02/2013 22:41

You are not over reacting.

Kithulu · 26/02/2013 23:03

Your are 21 and have so much time to make some good decisions and have a wonderful life with your beautiful children.
The situation you are in now sounds horrid. Do not have sex with this man again. You are worth so, so much more.

alittletime2 · 26/02/2013 23:30

You are not a failure. You have been conned again though. Some men are so good at putting up a front. Next time be very wary! Learn the signs.
You can leave. 3 days is plenty of time to come up with a plan. Have you got anyone in real life to talk to about leaving?

Jux · 26/02/2013 23:47

He is abusive. Kick him out. See a solicitor tomorrow and get whatever Order you need which requires him to find elsewhere to live immediately, and a non-molestation order as well.

You will cope much, much better once he is gone, as if he stays he will just continue with this, showing no care for you/your physical health/your children. He will become more and more jealous of the children.

TranceDaemon · 27/02/2013 01:10

Over reacting?? You are under reacting if anything. This man is a complete and utter twat and is 100% likely to remain so.

You deserve so much better. Kick him out, please!