I think dH is up to something

[BoringTheBuilder]

He has always been faithful and I never had trust issues with him, in fact I never thought he would ever cheat, however I have been around the block few times and know anything is possible..

Since New Years, DH started paying a tiny bit more attention about his appearance, however is slowly sleeping back in his old laid back self again so this didn't make me suspicious.
But the other day when I was explaining to him something strange the fish was doing (I was copying the fish face and action) he said it was unattractive, and this shocked me a bit as I thought this was a totally overreaction and uncalled for.
Specially because he has always been very attracted to me no matter how suit I look.

Yesterday he came home tipsy from the pub after work and cried saying he loves me a lot, I'm his world and he needs me and my support.
I asked him which friends he was with and he said that "them" don't matter and I'm the only one who matters.
Than he was about to say something about his life but went to sleep instead.

For the 1st time I got a bit suspicious, but it's more of a uneasy feeling than anything else.

He was supposed to be on a double shift today but called to say he will come home earlier.....but I'm not sure if it's his decision or things changed at work.

I now need to say that our sexual life isn't great for a long time and I have been struggling to get intimate and romantic with him. I think it's because I see him more as a friend or team player than a husband iyswim

If he cheated I will want divorce and in fact it will be an easy way out for me as I have being trying to talk about this but it hurts him a lot since I was his 1st girlfriend and 1st person he ever had sex with...

What do I do now??

suit shit
no matter how shit I look

We rent and have a 5 year old.

Could it not be he knows u are not happy and things are heading downwards? Don't assume you know anything when actually you don't...yet.

Don't also throw a mess (sex life) at him because you think he might be doing something. Do it for 'proper' reasons, leaving him or trying to work it out or don't bother.

Think about what you do want and want to achieve (with or without him) and act accordingly. Not out of pride or anger that really could be misplaced. Good luck.

I don't get infidelity vibes from this. It sounds more as if your husband knows you don't really love him and feels a bit shit.

Your post also makes it sound as if you'd prefer to split up with him but feel that you need an excuse - is that true? You don't actually need an excuse if you don't love him and you're not happy.

An easy way out for you? Is that what you want then?

X post! Interesting.... Similar take on it....

I would let him do all the talking. It doesn't sound great about the return home from the pub. I probably wouldn't say anything until I got to the bottom of it all. Then I would have some time to think what to do and say.

I'm constantly in the process of talking about our romantic life and he knows how I feel however I never went on with separation because I too get confused about my feelings and lack of sexual interest.
I'm trying to work things out still because overall the relationship isn't bad
However I do think sometimes that he would be happier with someone that is very passionate about him and share the same high sexual drive, since his 1st experience was with me.
If he cheated, was more out of lust than lack of feelings for me, but this is a line that shouldn't be crossed

Usually when he comes from the pub and something is bothering him he tends to talk no end and yesterday was different

I am trying to think of a phrase other than 'shit or get off the pot'. You don't love your husband, you don't fancy him, if he slept with someone else you'd use it as a get out clause. This is emotional cruelty.
Go to counselling- sort out exactly HOW you are feeling. Because if my partner was telling me these things and saying they felt unsure about the relationship, I'd be a bit tearful and down the pub as well.

I have to agree. You've made it clear You're Not That Into Him but for whatever reason you've not pulled the trigger. Instead you've left him hanging, with him not knowing whether your feelings are going to change or not. Meanwhile you seem to be hoping for an opportunity for you to end it in a way that will allow you to pin all the blame on him.

If you're not happy in this relationship and you've got no hope left that it will change then do the decent thing and end it. But be honest about the reasons.

When did I say I have no hope to turn things around?
I haven't left yet because I'm still trying
However if he cheated, than I'm sorry I won't try anymore
I always have being honest with him and he also chose to stay
So it is his responsibility too.

And maybe if he cheated, this is his way to pull the trigger himself

Yes I think something's happened with someone else. The remark about your facial contortions and the tears lead me to think this. Unfortunately, none of the published 'signs of infidelity' mention nuances like this - and yet uncharacteristically petty but hurtful criticisms interspersed with tears and declarations of love are familiar behaviours in affairs.

Unless you know you wouldn't be able to forgive and build a new relationship (and presuming he doesn't want to leave you for her) this could be a catalyst to a new start, but only if there is honesty on both sides.

I did say "If" about having no hope of things changing.

I do know you've written much more in this thread about leaving him than about staying and working things out though. Apologies if I got the wrong end of the stick.

Your 'honesty' with your husband reminds me of something an old boyfriend said about me 'being kind to be cruel'. If you don't know what you want yourself- how is he going to provide it?
Again- think about going to counselling yourself. It might make things a bit clearer- because sadly when people know you don't want them, they rarely conveniently run off with someone else.

I think something happened, too, for the same reasons as Charbon. Presumably your fish antic was supposed to be funny or intriguing, not a display of your most seductive assets. That he thought about how attractive you looked at that moment suggests he was already comparing you to somebody else :(

Given the state of limbo your relationship seems to be in, he may well be 'pulling the trigger' on it - consciously or otherwise. I agree with pp; you need a very focused think and a hard talk ... not about whether he's cheating, but about the pair of you and what to do next.

Sorry for you both. Wishing you luck and good sense.

I'm on the waiting list of NHS for counselling
GP referred me due to my lack of sexual desire, since all the other exams came clear. GP suspects it's something to do with my childhood but I can't remember nothing
Also we came very close to separation, taking wedding band off and discussing accommodation arrangements, but he is the one who always go backwards and asks for more time
Since I'm not in any hurry to meet anyone else, and he is a good man and father, I don't see why not keep trying.
As I said in the OP, I've had my fair share of experience with relationships, and I know how bad a ill resolved separation can break people
DH knows where I stand and he is (was?) willing to stay
He is at home now and so far everything seems normal

So are you not going to deal with your suspicions?

It sounds as if you are the one whose happy and trying to get out or are subconsciously pushing him away. I can't really see a cheat from what you are saying. I think people should remember that there are two sides and this is your perception.

I'm waiting for my daughter to go to sleep so I can ask him what was the matter last night

Good plan :)