Any advice appreciated

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Hello,I am just after some advice-anything to help would be much appreciated. I have been with my husband for nearly 15 and married for nearly13, we have three children 7,5 and 4, I am sahm. I have been unhappy for a few years now but have always been able to push my feelings aside and get on. My husband does not help with the children,he will come home and put his feet up having said hello to the children, he sleeps in every morning and gets up in time to go to work - leaving me to get up every morning and get them to school/Playschool. He will leave me to walk them to school even when he has a day off or not working till later. He will stay up late most nights while I am in bed by 10pm ready to get up for the next day while he will sleep in. When he has days off he will let me organise what we are doing if anything, never takes it upon himself to sort anything out. Lately he has been working weekends and taking time off in the week - when he will sit at the computer or tv all day, leaving me to carry on with life. I can't carry on like this - I have had it out with him in the past, I have got cross, upset, angry and tried being calm - nothing has any effect on him and he just carries on in his own world. He will ignore the children if he is on the computer with headphones on, he will fall asleep in the evenings on the settee them blame me because I should wake him - this happens if the children are watching tv too! His hours are different every week and we have no continuity-the children have queried why he is always at work when they are home then home when they are at school. I do everything on my own with the children and go everywhere on our own. Currently I have had enough, I don't care anymore, I am miserable and upset but he chooses to ignore it and carry on as if all is fine when it's not:(I don't know what to do anymore. The house is in his name and he told me last year(when we were supposed to sort things out)that if anything went wrong I would be the one to move out with the children so he could sell the house and pay back a family loan. I can't leave as I have nowhere to go and also don't see why I should as its the children's home. Can anyone tell me what my options may be? I don't have much savings and understand that legal aid will not be available like it is now as of 1st April. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, sounds silly now it's written down:(

Not silly at all.

He is of no use nor ornament to you is he? You would be better off without him and then that is one less person to cook and clean for. Also if he wanted any access then you would actually get some time off.

I think you should maybe contact womens aid to find out what your rights are.

Someone will be along in a minute with the advice you need on housing etc.

You have been at the stage in your marriage for a year where he is telling you that you will have to ship out if you separate.

It sounds like he doesn't care and you would be better going it alone.

As you married and have kids it doesn't matter that the house is in his name. Especially after 13 years.

I doubt you would be forced out and left with nothing. How much equity is in the property and how much is the loan?

Your best option is to quietly get a copy of the mortgage documents and his pay slips go to the cab and a solicitor to see where you stand.

Go and see a solicitor pronto. Legal aid is still available so take advantage of the timing.

He is wrong on a lot of fronts: if you are married you are entitled to a share in the assets of the marriage which will include the house, plus, as the primary carer you will not be the one who has to leave the family home. Your children are entitled to stay there (with you), but please go and get some specialist advice.

My advice would be that it is all in the planning and getting the right solicitor is important (I didn't). You have a few more weeks.
Women's Aid in your local area will be able to help. If you can call in to see them before you do anything I think it would help put your mind at rest.
There is so much good advice on here (much better than mine) make sure you keep posting.

Locate your nearest Women's Aid branch here: www.womensaid.org.uk and call during office hours to source solicitors who specialise in divorce and family law.

As advised by Pasty, book a consultation as soon as possible as entitlement to legal aid in these matters will cease shortly after the end of March 2012.

Knowledge is power and it may be that in knowing what you can reasonably expect in terms of division of marital assets, child support etc if you petition to divorce your lazy arsed self-entitled h, you will be able to give him the long overdue wake-up call he needs to shape up or ship out.

Hello-many thanks, your replies have helped me greatly,I am going to phone women's aid today and see what they have to say:) it's taken a long time for me to get where I am now and it's horrible to feel like I do but I can't help it anymore,I just don't care:( he just carries on seemingly oblivious,although he has commented about me being miserable and unable to be nice to him,but he will not confront the issue,I am not going to this time, it's got to come from him but I am beginning to realise it won't. I almost feel this is what he is waiting for-me to make the decision, then he is off the hook cause like everything else, it will be my fault, he seems unable to take responsibility for anything, especially if it goes wrong, it usually becomes my fault. That's when I doubt myself -but I feel that if you want to do something you will, you don't need someone telling you all the time do you. I am fortunate to have fab friends and family, my family have seen the way my husband is for themselves will support whatever I do, my parents are the ones doing what he should be doing with the children. I ended up in hospital a few weeks ago, the children went to my parents and he carried on working, when I did come home he left me to carry on as usual-so much for rest!! Thank you for reading-I feel better for writing things down too, saves it going round and round my head:(

The house must be worth about£240,000, the loan was for £50,000 of which about half has been paid off, the house belongs to him and the loan was from his family to enable us to buy the house. I don't know what he earns or how much he has in savings as everything is in his name and my savings are in my name -nothing is joint.

He sounds like a very selfish man and obviously believes you are beneath him and not entitled to any sort of life.
There are alternatives to this life as others have said.
Well done on starting the process of taking back your life.
You will get plenty of support on here.

Oh and BTW, if you are married the house doesn't belong to him.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

When he is out hunt for all the financial information you can find, bank statements, loan details, insurance, etc. then if possible photocopy it (you computer printer might be able to do this, if not go to a local library etc.). Then store these documents together with passports and other crucial documents with a friend or your parents, somewhere outside the home.

Good on you for phoning Women's aid.

Ok,so I had words with husband last week, basicly told him I was ready to walk,I may as well be on my own etc:( he has also accepted work for the whole of march, any time off he has is during the week - he said he would change it(he can't because he will lose more than few days)as far as I am concerned he should not have taken it all, no thought to me and the children-I may as well be on my own. He thinks we are ok and has not made the effort to talk to me cause he thought he would leave me alone. He says he does care.he says he does not want me to be on my own,why do I want to be on my own? Then less than 36 hours later he expects sex,doesn't get it so turns his back leaving me to get up and do what I always do while he sleeps in:( it's not me is it?i just don't seem to be able to get through to him, hence looking at my options:( thank you for reading