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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Dont want to talk about it

4 replies

mrsjolly · 01/05/2006 15:16

Ive been with my boyfriend for a year and he often refuses to talk about things with me, especially personal things. Such as, I know he doesnt like his father yet when I ask about him he just says he'd rather not talk about it. He mentioned a while ago that some of the people he works with take the mick out of him then when I asked about it I got the same responce - dont want to talk about it. Yesterday I was winding him up saying I was going to join his car forum and post daft messages from "***'s girlfriend" and he went all serious and asked me not to as an ex of his once did that and it was a horrible experience as she wouldnt leave him alone, again i asked about it and he said he didnt want to talk about it.

Its getting on my nerves a bit...is this as abnormal as I think it is?

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 01/05/2006 15:33

Some people aren't talkers. I'm not one to want to analyse things verbally. I have other ways of experiencing what I need to experience to get through things. It's just how I am. Not a talker.

I had a boyfriend who was one of those who analysed everything and needed to dissect things verbally and blah blah blah.

And he drove me spare.

I would tell him, 'Look, thanks for letting me know you'll hear me out/that you're there if I want or need to talk about this, etc., I'll let you know if/when I want to.'

But he just couldn't leave it and the more he goaded me to 'talk', the more I wanted to distance myself.

I think if and when someone wants to talk through something, they will.

You've offered to listen, you're there, you've made that known to him. Now leave the ball in his court.

MrsMuddle · 01/05/2006 16:04

MrsJolly, I've been with my husband nearly 20 years, and he's never talked about personal things or his (or my) emotions. But I love him dearly and he's a great dad. I've accepted that's how he is, and do all the "talking" stuff with my good friends rather than him. I agree it is very annoying though. Ive just put it down to him being a typical west of Scotland male.
PS His dad's exactly the same, and but I'm trying my hardest to break the cycle with my DSs who are 11 and 9.

flobbleflobble · 01/05/2006 16:05

not uncommon for men I would say

UKmum4 · 01/05/2006 17:15

My dh of 13 years doesn't open up either. In the early days I was a bit like a dog with a rag when there was something I wanted to discuss and he didn't - it didn't really help things much as expat. says. Try to think that its a facet of his personality rather than something personal. I don't think its uncommon for men - though i agree it can be irritating.

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