Can anyone advise me how to deal with this? Or if you've been through similar please help!
My ex finished with me when I told him I was pregnant.
We'd been together a few years and had talked about having a baby, although it seemed unlikely due to my age - but we knew I would keep it if it happened.
Our baby is now 5 months old.
He was made redundant and decided to go to uni where he met OW. She pursued him - my radar was up when he told me certain things that she talked to him about - her terrible marriage etc. She then introduced him to her child and they'd meet up for coffee 'as friends'.
Whenever I said this made me uncomfortable, I was accused of being insecure, irrational, jealous etc.
From what I've seen on MN, classic symptoms of an affair. She failed her 1st year though and was moved back and he stopped talking about her so I assumed they didn't see each other any more...
I'm not just blaming her btw, he was worse as he was obviously had feelings for her, was flattered and did not put boundaries in place.
Anyway, I should have asked him to leave when he finished with me when I told him of the pregnancy but I was hormonal and in shock tbh, and I hoped he would change his mind. So he continued to live with me for the first 6 months of my pregnancy, sleeping in the same bed with his back to me. But he would pick arguments, make me cry, and generally act like an arse most of the time.
I realised later that it was pure convenience for him to live with me as it was nearer to college - he did not consider the damage he was doing as he was so angry, but he eventually moved out at the end of the college term when I was 6 months preg. I was still under the illusion ( blame the hormones) that he would change his mind when the baby came.
What it really was, was that she had returned to her home country for 3 months and he wanted to be free to Skype her when he wanted.
We had rented a place together so I had to find a new place to live when 8 months pregnant and working in a stressful job, then move - he did nothing to help me despite being on hol from college but mooning about depressed because as I later found out - she was away.
Sorry, I'm rambling but trying not to drip feed.
Anyway, I suppose what I want to know is how do I deal with the situation I'm now in?
After him gasslighting me for months, ruining my confidence, treating me like shit when i was at my most vulnerable, trying to get me to move away because me and the baby were going to ruin his plans for a cosy life with her and her kid - he then suddenly fell in love with our baby.
I had encouraged this every step of the way as my parents are divorced and I wanted my DC to have a full relationship with us both (although I hoped we'd be together)
He didn't want to know when I was pregnant, didn't want to be at the birth - I made him. He told me to move home or as far away as possible, now wants to be Disney dad. He moved in with her and her kid when our baby was 4 months old, is all loved up, spends more time with her child than he does his own, and is now trying to be 'friends' with me whilst being mr perfect with her... I just don't know how to. 'be' around him any more.
I hate him, but he's being charm itself now, but what I can't stand is how bloody hard I tried to make our relationship work, when all the time he was in love with her. She knew about me and still persued him, and now he wants us all to be friends.
They have a beautiful house, her ex is making life difficult for her though, and my ex minds her kid whilst she works and he sees our son 2x per week.
I only found out about their affair when our baby was 5 weeks old. It shook me to the core but I felt vindicated.
How do I move on? I don't live in the UK, so my family are not around, I have good friends but none who are single parents. I love my baby more than anything but resent them so much for having each other to lean on whilst I've got no one. He treated me like shit but treats her with kid gloves and worships her even though she's weak and needy but I guess he just loves her. I know now that he never loved me.
I caused a lot of controversy on AIBU because I'm refusing to allow DC to go to their home - he's only 5 months old and I just can't stand the thought of her with her hands on him. I KNOW I will have to suck it up at some point, but now is too soon. He sees our son at my place, he can take him out whenever he wants, stay over in the spare room, do what he likes but just not take him to her.
I'm still so hurt and can't see a way forward.
Thank you if you've got this far. I suppose now he's happy and I'm seeing the 'best' of him it's hard, but the alternative is worse - she gets her hands on my baby. I just can't deal with that right now.