So unhappy & don't know why

[Workieticket]

In the hope that someone can tell me I'm not going mad....here goes

Brief history - married for 11 years, ds (8) & dd (5).

Lately I just don't want to be around dh, don't want him to touch me, can't be bothered with him. Dh is as he has always been, loyal man whose family is his highest priority. I can't understand why I feel like I do but have been questioning if I actually love him or if I ever did and the more i think about it the more i think life would be better without him in it. He is a man who doesn't easily show his emotions, but has in the past said he doesn't feel the need to say 'I love you'. We rarely laugh together, do much that doesn't involve our dc's - and suppose I'm questioning whether I want to live like this, because at the moment i can't see any way out.

If he's showed his emotions in the past, he's capable of showing them in the present and in the future.

Being married to a non-demonstrative man has no doubt taken its toll on your self-esteem and I suggest you sit him down, tell him how unvalued you feel, and make it clear that unless he's willing to work with you, through joint counselling if necessary, to make your marriage more fulfilling there'll be little point in continuing it.

Have you suddenly realised things about him that you didnt realise before?

Million, I think that's along that right lines, we married when I was 24, and i think ive grown up quite a lot since. Whilst dh works to provide for his family, he has no ambition other than to 'plod along' and suppose I've been questioning whether I'm happy with that.

I struggle with opening up, more so with him than anyone else I'm close to - he rarely sees my point of view or agrees with me on things so I suppose over the years I've gradually not discussed things with him in the way that husband & wife should, which ties in with what izzy says

Things obviously need to change but from what you have said so far it sounds like your marriage is reparable. Can you approach DH and ask him to go to marriage counseling with you and explain why? Don't blame him, tell him how you feel but in "I" language rather than a finger pointing "You". Don't abandon a a basically good and reliable man without some serious attempts at bringing life back to your marriage.

Also, are you able to go out from time to time without the DC? Is it still called date night?

fwiw, I have seen other posters on MN in your position who are ambitious, but their DH is a plod along type.

You need to have serious talks with him
They dont need to involve saying about splitting up.
But they do need talks about the relationship being done in a different way.
Things like, eg, should he be a part time SAHD so that you can have a more stretching job perhaps, going out together without DC, maybe going away for a weekend without DC, that sort of thing.