Just want to get this off my chest really.
I was with a man long distance, planning to go and marry him etc. but he binge drank. I thought he would change. He still hasn't. I read thro bits of my diary this morning and can see my thinking so clearly.
Basically I kept us together with my actions and he did nothing. I didn't realise that was his habit. He had been doing that his whole life. I was just the latest sucker.
Also my neighbour, whom I really liked but who had problems, but I still saw the good in her. She used to periodically be horrible to people but I never thought she would do it to me. But she did. Things slowly died between us.
I have a lovely new partner how, the musician. We were having probs re him staying friends with his ex. After the last row about that, he said to me that he was going to tell her about us, because he could see how upset it made me and he wanted me to feel better. So he did, and I do, and I reflect that he made that better because he cared that it upset me.
The other night I was coming back from the gym and ha to just listen to the last bit of the song in the car and my neighbour came past with someone else. When I got out of the car, I heard them laughing and they shouted something at me which I didn't catch and then I heard my ex friend laugh very loudly. I thought, that's what you escaped from. That's who she is, what she does, what I didn't like and who she remains.
People don't change unless they want to. I always see the best, but it not always appropriate. My current bf as loyal and protective of me when I told him I saw my neighbour. Not that I was tha bothered, I am a big girl now. But I can't help thinking I wasted time on people who had shit standards where I thought they would change and get better.
My new boss at work regularly says to her clients that past behaviour predicts future behaviour. I always want to think that people can and do change. But sometimes they don't.
If I want to buy a pair of shoes, I have to choose ones that fit me now, not ones that I hope will fit me in the future. Taken me 38 years to learn this!!!!! Feel a bit embarrassed at myself but I guess late is better than never....