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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think I am going crazy.

45 replies

MissAliceBand · 23/02/2013 01:00

That's it really.

I am going mad, I am so unhappy, so very fucking unhappy. I wish I could go to sleep and just never wake up

But I can't sleep. Ever - it's so damn frustrating. All I can do is cry and cry and cry.

Which isn't really going to get me anywhere.

And I think my relationship with DH is fucked. He doesn't like me very much at all. Which is probably fair enough because I don't like me either.

I am so completely useless.

Fuck.

I also probably swear too much

OP posts:
Original poster
MissAliceBand · 23/02/2013 02:36

I am moaning on aren't I. Sorry I don't do talking much IRL!!

OP posts:
alittletime2 · 23/02/2013 02:37

Anyone who hates books is an ARSE. Really.
And there is always a future, even if you can't see it. Just like there's always another book.
Long shot here, but if you grew up in books, you may have identified with the characters. Me, I'm 70% Alice in Wonderland, 10% Mary Plain, 10% Tess of the D'Urbervilles and an unfortunate 10% Desdemona. It's a problem.
Can you try another counsellor?

alittletime2 · 23/02/2013 02:42

I think he needs to learn to be more accepting of you as you are, and to learn not to be aggressive and arsey. Have you tried couples counselling?

Original poster
MissAliceBand · 23/02/2013 02:43

Grin Now see I have a real soft spot for Iago - which is probably not a good thing.

OP posts:
Socrates91 · 23/02/2013 02:44

How many times do you re-read a book, Alice? Can't you just renew a library book if it's such a captivating read. I envy you, I could never re-read a book unless it's erotic and then it's just only the good bits. Blush

You must have a big brain and know words a mile long.

You also might be suffering from OCD. And it might be a coping mechanism for the stresses in your life, namely your husband.He doesn't seem to respect you much does he, if he knowingly makes you weepy?

alittletime2 · 23/02/2013 02:45

Now that is bad Shock Grin

Darkesteyes · 23/02/2013 02:47

Sorry to hear what you are going through OP. I love books and reading too.
Your h sounds like an abusive arse and you deserve better.
Agree with alittletime. Anyone who hates books is an arse.
Somone im following on Twitter has this written as her profile......

If you go home with someone and they dont have any books ....dont fuck them!

Original poster
MissAliceBand · 23/02/2013 02:50

Oh over and over again. That said there are some that I just cannot get into at all. Like Emma, never got more than a quarter through that.

I am not very clever though. DH is much smarter than me. He is all maths and science. I am books, and words and history. Things I love but aren't much use Blush

OP posts:
alittletime2 · 23/02/2013 02:52

Darkesteyes: If you go home with someone and they dont have any books ....dont fuck them!
Think this should be written at the start of all books. Then we'd all know.

Darkesteyes · 23/02/2013 02:56

Yep ......its good advice to follow. If someone had told me that when i was 18 it would have saved me a lot of hassle and heartache.

Original poster
MissAliceBand · 23/02/2013 02:56

Right I am going to attempt sleep because I really am tired.

Thank you all, I have stopped crying I really do appreciate you talking to me Thanks

OP posts:
alittletime2 · 23/02/2013 02:57

About this making light of things. How bad is it in your relationship? You seem to be valueing your h's maths and science above your books, words and history. I don't see how they are comparable, both are vital. Does that come from him? Does he see himself as being more clever than you?

alittletime2 · 23/02/2013 02:58

Sleep well xx
Darkesteyes, me too.

Socrates91 · 23/02/2013 02:58

Knowing maths and science doesn't make him smarter, since I bet you would whip his ass at Jeopardy!.

Plus, I would say being a knowledgeable writer is the most important sign of intelligence (which needs knowing words and history and yes reading a lot of books).

izzyizin · 23/02/2013 03:00

It seems to me you've hit the watershed; reviewing your past life as a child with all of those aspirations and ambitions to be 'more' and comparing it to the present and finding that, through choices you made, you haven't become 'more' than what you are today.

But what is 'more'? Did you want to be 'more' through achieving fame and fortune or immersing yourself in academia? Did you want to become 'more' in terms of becoming a better person?

What is stopping you becoming 'more' now?

Sleeping pills won't work if you don't take them, Alice, and it may take some time before your sleep pattern becomes more (o dear that word again Smile) in sync with the majority of the population rather than that of night owls such as myself.

Btw, it seems to me books and your childhood are inextricably entwined as a place where you felt safe and had all of the future before you in which you could become whatever you wanted to be.

But our childhood dreams and intentions don't always work out as we hoped and/or planned and, if we experience frustration with our daily lives as adults, there is a temptation to compare what we once wanted for ourselves with what we have and find it lacking.

Look at the 'lack' in your life and find ways to make it 'more' fulfilling and more satisfying than it may currently appear to you to be.

Darkesteyes · 23/02/2013 03:01

Sleep well and take care xx

Socrates91 · 23/02/2013 03:03

Good night and don't let the bed bugs (your husband) bite. Brew

alittletime2 · 23/02/2013 14:24

How's it going, Alice?

Original poster
MissAliceBand · 23/02/2013 16:01

Hi. I am ok I think, still in a bit of a funk, I feel on the edge of tears but am taking the small one swimming in a bit which will be fun Grin

And as a bonus disguise my hideously swollen eyes with chlorine.

OP posts:
Sunnywithshowers · 23/02/2013 16:45

Ow, your poor eyes :) I hope you enjoy the swimming

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