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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Does your dh expect you to read his mind????

24 replies

busybusybee · 30/04/2006 20:52

Does your dh tell you how he is feeling?
Do you have to ask him, or does he initiate such a conversation himself?

OP posts:
Mercy · 30/04/2006 20:57

I've given up asking. One look at his face/body language tells me all I need to know (even though I don't want to know)

alittlebitshy · 30/04/2006 21:09

me What's the matter?
dh nothing

me oh okay (dubious)

grr.......... it's women who are meant to say that one. lol

FrannyandZooey · 30/04/2006 21:11

"Does your dh tell you how he is feeling?"

Ahahahahahahhahhahahahahahahhahahahaha. Hahahahahaha. Heehee.

starlover · 30/04/2006 21:13

yes... and he doesn't just tell me, but he goes on and on and on and analyses it all until i cry with boredom

Tommy · 30/04/2006 21:25

alittlebitshy - I think you're married to my DH Grin

Original poster
busybusybee · 30/04/2006 21:30

So if we assume that the MN consensus is Noooooooooooooo how do you manage to make you marriage work???

Genuine question from someone who has failed :(

OP posts:
Original poster
busybusybee · 30/04/2006 21:44

Seriously how can a marriage work without communication

Dh says he does communicate his feelings
He seems to think once every six weeks is acceptable..........
Although he would probably say he does talk about things more often, in truth I would say six weeks is too generous, more like 6 months Angry :(

OP posts:
starlover · 30/04/2006 21:52

i often talk to dp in bed of an evening....
it's probably the opposite in our house, becaue I am the one who doesn't express myself, or I refuse to say how I am feeling

but somehow it's easier lying in the dark

starlover · 30/04/2006 21:52

i mean as in lying down... not telling lies! lol

cod · 30/04/2006 21:53

do you want to know>

Original poster
busybusybee · 30/04/2006 21:56

Yup I would like to know what is going on in his head

OP posts:
veNivIDdiViCkiqV · 30/04/2006 22:00

Dont we all expect people close to us to just know how we are feeling at any given time....?

Original poster
busybusybee · 30/04/2006 22:06

I ask because dh and I are splitting up. Principally imho because he never talks to me about his feelings. After six years his feelings are finally coming to the fore. Normally he will only talk to me about his feelings when I ask, beg, plead, demand that he does so.

He has a list of criticisms about me, which have apparently driven him to investigate women on chatrooms etc. Therefore my apparent failure as a loving wife and mother means that his actions are justified because of his need to feel happy

I am crying as I write this :(

OP posts:
starlover · 30/04/2006 22:09

oh BBB... :(
you aren't a failure at all... this is HIS problem, not yours.

if he was unhappy he could have spoken to you about it.. he could have tried to work it out. but he chose the other route.

you deserve better

Original poster
busybusybee · 30/04/2006 22:11

So why do I feel like its all my fault
I feel so guilty. Im a failure
Our marriage has failed

Dh has in 6 years never really told me what he is thinking and feeling - he says he has but i disagree

OP posts:
starlover · 30/04/2006 22:13

i don't think there is anything else you could have done... how can you know if someone is unhappy if they don't talk to you?
you can't force someone to tell you how they feel, and tbh you shouldn't have to if they have something that serious that they need to share!

i have never been through that kind of break-up but i'm guessing that how you're feeling is something that a lot of people go through... wondering if there is something you could have done

Original poster
busybusybee · 30/04/2006 22:23

Thankyou starlover - You are posting the advice I would give to others! It is so hard to deal with for myself though

All those little warning signs, that I didnt pick up on
All those things he said that seemed innoccent enough, that I now realise were lies
All the times he misled me about what he was up to
The fact that this has been going on in some form or another since the first 6 months of marriage

Its heartbreaking :(

OP posts:
Mercy · 30/04/2006 22:25

bbbee Sad I thought this was a flippant thread, sorry.

Has he always been like this? I mean even before children/marriage?

Mercy · 30/04/2006 22:25

sorry x posted

starlover · 30/04/2006 22:27

i can imagine it is heartbreaking.... and I really feel for you.

2 things stand out from your post though

All those things he said that seemed innoccent enough, that I now realise were lies
All the times he misled me about what he was up to

the lies, the misleading... if he was doing that then how could you possibly have known, or done anything about it?

Alipiggie · 30/04/2006 22:31

Busybusybee, sounds just like my dh, we're separated at the moment and no he never says how he feels. He says he was telling me for two years he was unhappy and that I never listened. Umm sorry, but that's not the case. He's had an affair Angry and it's all my fault. But it's always me asking him what's up. You are not alone. sending you lots of cyber hugs. Take care.

Original poster
busybusybee · 30/04/2006 22:43

Alipiggie - Your dh sounds exactly like mine

Dh says he talks to me about things - maybe he does but not often enough, not LOUDLY enough for me to realise and understand

That makes it sound as if I dont listen (his accusation) Which again I would disagree - I do listen but he says so little, the next day different stuff is happening, life seems to move on etc

He seems to think he can say something one day and thats enough for a month - which so isnt true

OP posts:
Original poster
busybusybee · 30/04/2006 22:44

Mercy :)

OP posts:
Alipiggie · 01/05/2006 04:19

Sorry for the huge gap between chat - busy busy here. Lousy day but hey, what's new with Men and not/talking. I hope that you're doing okay. Thinking of you. If you ever want to cat me feel free.

Take care

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