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Original poster

new to dating, advice please?

40 replies

oopsadaisymaisy · 21/02/2013 22:14

I've met someone, he's been in contact every day, says really lovely things, we ve arranged loosely to meet tomorrow. The last couple of days he's been quite quiet. He said a lovely good morning today. I don't know whether to text to firm up details for tomorrow or do I let him? It's been so long since I last dated I don't know what's the done thing.

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Original poster
oopsadaisymaisy · 21/02/2013 22:22

Anybody? :)

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sarahseashell · 21/02/2013 22:25

hi OP - not sure what you meant about having 'arranged loosely' to meet - have you agreed to meet tomorrow but no plan yet? if so I'd probably wait till the afternoon and expect he'll contact you in the morning?

Original poster
oopsadaisymaisy · 21/02/2013 22:30

Yes, just agreed we would see each other tomorrow but not solid plans. He's been pretty full on but I feel he's cooling off a bit. Which is ok as long as he damn well doesn't let me down last minute :)

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sarahseashell · 21/02/2013 22:33

do you think he's just not been in touch as much since you got the date lined up? less need as you've fixed up something IYSWIM?
Have a plan b maybe (cinema, visiting a friend etc) Wink
good luck and let us know how it goes!

Numberlock · 21/02/2013 22:34

Move onto the next. If he was that keen to meet, he'd be pinning you down to a time and place.

Even if he does mention it tomorrow, tell him you're sorry but you've got plans. If this is what he's like before you've even met, he's not worth it. One possible reason is that he's chatting to several people on the dating site and hedging his bets for a better offer.

Original poster
oopsadaisymaisy · 21/02/2013 22:36

Mmm... Maybe. I feel something's changed. I'm leaving him to contact me. I have a bit of a sinking feeling but I'm ever the pessimist. I ll let you know how it goes. My plan b will be bottle of wine and mumsnet :)

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Original poster
oopsadaisymaisy · 21/02/2013 22:37

Number, I think you might be right. :(

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Numberlock · 21/02/2013 22:41

You're definitely right not to contact him. If he gets in touch and you tell him you're busy, it will show him he needs to get his arse into gear. Or he'll just disappear.

In the meantime, make contact with several guys at the same tine until you get to the dating stage. Saves you getting hung up on just the one.

Numberlock · 21/02/2013 22:42

Ps. Am assuming it's Internet dating?

sarahseashell · 21/02/2013 22:43

he could just be a bit nervous about the date, or trying to play it cool or anything I'd say don't overanalyse and don't give up on him just yet!

Whattodowithit · 21/02/2013 22:43

My only experience with very brief OD was with one chap I weedled out from the others, with whom we emailed, got on extremely well, and then eventually talked for nearly a month, until I had a 'free' day (we lived some way away from each other), and two days before the 'free' day previously arranged, he went silent. The day before I sent him a text saying "I presume from your silence you have changed your mind Sad ", to which he instantly replied "no, been a bit preoccupied". We did meet. We have been together for over 3 years now. When we have ever talked about that initial meeting and his backing off, he says he just went quiet, as blokes do when they feel they are suddenly faced with having to do something they've thought about but never gone through with, the 'chase' was different to RL, and he can't believe how he nearly missed meeting the love of his life Grin. We are not youngsters, btw. He just got minor cold feet. It is a big thing, meeting strangers, but if you've connected, and it's been a long time without anyone else for either of you, he may just be a bit scared of it all. Perhaps try the "I presume you've changed your mind" text and go forward from any response? Best of luck x

Original poster
oopsadaisymaisy · 21/02/2013 22:51

It's not an internet date, we met a couple of weeks ago, he did want to meet last Saturday but I made other plans. He's been really lovely but just gone a bit quieter last couple of days. So he emailed a good morning this morning and has made a couple of comments on my Facebook photo, he's just not mentioned tomorrow night. He will or he won't but I'm not going to Chase him. I ll try not to over analyze but its in my nature :)

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Original poster
oopsadaisymaisy · 21/02/2013 23:51

Just got a message saying he's very much looking forward to tomorrow. Hooray! Thanks all. It really helped having someone to talk to. X

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TDada · 22/02/2013 07:04

Great. Best not to over invest emotionally.

Original poster
oopsadaisymaisy · 22/02/2013 08:10

Tdada, you're absolutely right of course and I'm not normally so I don't really know why I'm bothered. I'll do some self reflection. :)

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TDada · 22/02/2013 08:14

Try some intense exercise with you favourite music to get your mind off it.

patienceisvirtuous · 22/02/2013 11:54

Let us know how the date goes OP :)

Original poster
oopsadaisymaisy · 23/02/2013 08:53

How I wish I had good news. He cancelled saying his ex had asked him to have his son because she was going out. I was pretty pissed off as you can imagine and told him I wouldn't see him again. He continued to text me that his ex doesnt let him see his son if he turns her down. Anyway, pretty lame I think. He sent me texts throughout the night. I knew it was going to happen and I'm not entirely sure I believe his excuse either. I went out with friends and now I feel a bit hungover. When am I ever going to find a decent bloody man!

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Numberlock · 23/02/2013 09:06

What time did he let you know he had to cancel? And prior to that had you actually made a firm plan to meet, ie confirmed time and venue?

He doesn't sound like dating material. Kids aren't baggage but flaky exes are.

Original poster
oopsadaisymaisy · 23/02/2013 09:14

He let me know a couple of hours before we planned to meet. He lives an hour away on the train. Something doesn't feel quite right. I don't think he was out doing anything else, he text me regularly throughout the night even though I told him I didn't want to see him again. I ll just have to stay positive. It's so difficult to meet decent men. They can't all be snapped up :)

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Numberlock · 23/02/2013 09:17

Tell me about it. That's why I'm staying happily single for now!

Just delete him and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Glad you went out with friends instead.

Original poster
oopsadaisymaisy · 23/02/2013 09:35

So, he just messaged good morning oops, please don't stay mad with me :( .

I really don't get some men at all. I don't want to delete him because I quite like the attention. Is that really wrong?

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Numberlock · 23/02/2013 09:40

Yes because he sounds needy and immature and flaky and unreliable and comes with 'baggage' (the bitter ex although I'd love to hear her side of things) and all this before you've even been on a date??

DiscretionAdvised · 23/02/2013 09:54

I'd he really flakey? It's early days. If you like him I'd be tempted to give him another go.

Original poster
oopsadaisymaisy · 23/02/2013 10:04

I'm in two minds about whether to give him another go. He's entirely inappropriate and yet I'm strangely drawn to him. I was asked out by another guy who was much more 'my type' and as soon as I thought he was needy I got rid. Anyway, I'm being over dramatic, I'm not really that bothered. I ll chat to him from time to time I can't see what damage that can do.

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