Feeling desperate about husbands affair

[Isabeth]

I found out on Monday that my husband has gone back to an affair that he ended 18 months ago. I am devastated, he is very confused about what he wants and has moved out to try and work it out. He is not a bad person but has seriously lost his way am I crazy to even consider having him back?

Not pathetic at all Isabeth it's uncharted territory so you're bound to be nervous. This is a good place to sound off and express what you're used to keeping under wraps for fear of rocking the boat.

Try and see it not so much as losing him (suggests he's a prize worth having) as you stepping up and standing up for yourself. This is your life, not just his with you and DCs mere puny satellites.

You are absolutely right he is not a prize worth having!

That is progress

as long as you don't have your little tantrum, then things go back to the way they were before

Yes. Try not to tell him everything. Moving on means he is no longer the person you go to to say how you are feeling, thinking, doing etc.

Dear Isabeth - baby steps is progress. Can I recommend a visit to classy hairdressers as a first step. Symbolic of a new you. Then some intense gym workouts. Perhaps sign up for 10k run. Then let's maximise affection from friends and family....you are a decent nice person propping up a weak indecisive man.

I can guarantee that you will feel stronger in the near future. Sadly you DH will find this attractive and try to cling on.

I agree with LaQueen I sent a few texts in the begining how could you be so cruel to me and my dcs I am devestated etc but then I stopped because as I said in a previous post I felt I was playing the role of psycho ex wife he had probably told OW I was. So I kept a dignified silence.

The only communciation we have now is what time are you picking dcs up and what time are you dropping them off. Then, out of the blue he phoned yesterday. all nice as pie dd wanted to stay at his last minute and was that ok with me? A few weeks ago he would have got her to ring or even just text to tell me it was happening. Is that ok with you?????? he said

Just keep communication to polite basics. Its very empowering to have the upper hand and I bet it will drive him mad. Its still good to get if your chest tho isnt it :)