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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Serious Advice Needed - Friendship over? Please!

11 replies

RoxyLady · 21/02/2013 17:31

I have been friends with this girl for 8 years. She is the first girl that I ever really felt connected with. She understood me.
I moved away from her 6 years ago and although we didnt get to see eachother often because of this we spoke on the phone all the time and when we did see eachother it was like I had only seen her yesterday.
I actually moved back about 25 min drive from where she lives about 1 1/2yr ago. I thought that we would see more of eachother but I always seem to be the one going to her home and she has only ever been to my new home twice. I have also found recently that she is quite snappy and anything I say is wrong. I am pregnant with my second child and she has serious fertility issues. She may not be able to have children, I completely understand she maybe feeling strange towards me because of this recently I dont think she even knows or remembers who I am.
At her wedding last year I had to leave early because I was breastfeeding, my three month old daughter had not slept all day and she was becoming hysterical. We left just before the night time reception started. She told me that I should have left my baby with my mother, but I tried to explain I had not been able to express enough milk and this is why I had brought my baby. Even though she had invited my baby aswell. She still didnt get it. We resolved the issue and agreed to disagree. I thought we were better but recently her odd attitude has started again. When I had three miscarriages she was all over me, and even with this pregnancy when I had a bleed she was so supportive. But now everything is ok she is snappy again.
She has left her old job after months of me telling her she can do better and I wish nothing but the best for her. Another girl at her work has also started work a few weeks ago at the same place. Stupidly this girl sent a message to my friend and included her old boss by accident and they sent a legal letter regarding poaching staff. Thankfully the job offer was fine and everything was ok. The friend then started posting on her facebook wall saying well done for your new job but being slightly animated about it. I sent a message to my friend just saying tell her to calm down a bit as people from your old work are on fb and it might get back to your old boss and antagonise them. I was just looking out for my friend I didnt want her to loose her job with some more legal issues.
I then didnt hear from her for a few days so I asked her if she was ok and she told me no. I had upset her with my comments, it had been the best bit of news she had had in ages and I ruined it with my comments. I jsut apologised and said I was genuinely looking out for her. She then proceeded to have a go at me again and said oh it must be a misunderstanding...just like she misunderstood me before.
I have now not heard from her for days which is really unlike her. Am I in the wrong? I always initiate peace when it comes to her being upset and Im not sure why I should do it once again.
Am I wrong or is she? Im confused. Really need a neutral opinion

OP posts:
cindersinsuburbia · 21/02/2013 17:39

I think that she sounds like a pretty crappy friend TBH

What are you getting from this friendship anyway?

She may have issues with the fact you have children and she cant - and while its a sad thing, she should punish you for it
You offered advice and she didnt like it - thats her issue again not yours

Its sounds like a one sided friendship - people drift apart and maybe its just time to walk away?

RoxyLady · 21/02/2013 17:46

Yesterday I was positive I wasnt going to contact her but now Im starting to feel bad. I always do this and it makes me mad
Its her bday dinner next sat and she has sent out a message to everyone saying let me know if you cant come. Well I can go so Im not going to contact her. Im sure she has slagged me off to anyone that will listen aswell... she has recently started doing it about her other friends that pissed her off, then the next min she is best mates again.
I just think she isnt herself anymore and its because she is angry over her fertility issues.

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cindersinsuburbia · 21/02/2013 17:51

I think you've pegged her just right - despite her fertility issues she cant always be centre of attention

Sometimes people just change - i had this with a friend we just lost touch and we are so different now theres no point in trying to make plans or anything

FB also makes things worst too, if i was you i'd keep away from it or defriend her and move on

RoxyLady · 21/02/2013 17:57

I agree that fb is the root of all evil but I think it would just give her more ammo if I defriended her. I think Im just going to leave it. If she doesnt contact me in the next week then I know her real feelings. Time for her to step up for once.

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cindersinsuburbia · 21/02/2013 17:59

Sounds good, Sometimes it seems hard walking away but then its better than walking on eggshells all the time

RoxyLady · 21/02/2013 18:03

Yeah I agree. But I refuse to give in this time like I always do. I love her to bits but she seems to put me in a classification that I am not! Like one of her other idiotic friends. Its sad because I thought she knew me better than that
Thanks Cinders.

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RoxyLady · 21/02/2013 18:31

would really appreciate more views. This is really important to me. Thanks

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EATmum · 21/02/2013 18:37

If she's having fertility treatment, does that involve hormone injections/fluctuations? Just thinking that it might explain some of the erratic behaviour. Wonder if it's worth being frank with her about how you feel before drawing a line under the friendship. Or just having less contact for a bit and coming back to talk things through when you're both feeling less tense?

RoxyLady · 21/02/2013 18:40

NO she doesnt qualify for IVF at the moment sadly. Im just taking a step back. If she wants to contact me she can. I always initiate contact and this time I refuse to do it. IF she wants to make things right it has to come from her. Im not kissing arse anymore.

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Chloe55 · 21/02/2013 18:42

It does sound like she's maybe jealous of you and your pregnancy given that she is having fertility issues. It also sounds like you have drifted apart to be honest. I really would just leave it and see if she gets in contact, if she doesn't then you know that she thinks less of your friendship than you do and its not worth persevering.

RoxyLady · 21/02/2013 18:45

Thanks Chloe. Just feel so sad about it. Im sure she thinks I should be contacting her but really I dont see what i have done wrong...apart from look out for her which is what a real friend does.

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