feeling inadequate

[marciamac]

Dh left for work this morning ranting at me about how I dont really love him, I put everyone before him and any feelings I show towards him are all fake.

I dont feel that way but he has said it so many times now he has got me questioning myself. I was upset this morning mainly because I was so frustrated. I feel like giving up no matter what I do he obviously doesnt believe in me and my actions.

He is obviously insecure and I can understand why his mum was not very supporting growing up and we dont have much to do with his family now. I have a very close family and he has been welcomed into it my mum treats him as a son.

But is that enough I dont know what else I can do. We've been through a lot together have good times and bad times but I find it so draining emotionally. I think he would be happy for me to give up all contact with my family and just focus on him

Are all men like this deep down? Hes my only real long-term partner.

Taking everything you've said at face value, I think you tell him that this is wearing you down and it's now high time he sought help for his issues.

You come from a happy, stable family background. He doesn't. So although it's not a given, chances are that your idea of a happy healthy relationship is more accurate than his.

He's accusing you of 'faking' and you feel that you maybe should be considering cutting contact with your lovely, supportive family in order to appease your husband. Massive, massive red flag there, I'm afraid.

If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, you could try relationship counselling first. Unless there are other issues going on, my guess is that a good counsellor will gently suggest to your DH that it's not a good idea for him to look to you to relieve his insecurity, it has to come from himself. However, really he needs to deal with this issue himself, and I would be tempted to make him own his own issues rather than put yourself through hoops trying to solve the issue for him. But you can only do that if you're prepared to issue an ultimatum and mean it, which you may not be ready for.

Are all men like this deep down?

No, absolutely not.

Best case scenario, he needs professional help with his issues and may gradually learn to feel secure.

Worst case scenario, he is trying to break down your confidence in your feelings and isolate you so that he can emotionally abuse you, perhaps repeating patterns from his own childhood. DO NOT withdraw from your family under any circumstances!

Could you suggest some counselling to him? (just for him, I mean).

I'm not a mum or a woman, or qualified to realy offer advice, but ask him why he feels like that.

Is it to blackmail you into doing something (you would if you loved me) in which case your better off out, and its unlikely to end there ..

Is it because he thinks your way beyond his leage?

Is he having work/health/other problems and this is a symptom ?

Or he could be shallow and childish and isnt likely to change .. belive me more of us are like that than you imagine ( we tend not to advertise such things on first dates :))

Thank you for your replies he has had at least one counselling session which for some reason he chose not to tell me about until after the event. He said it didnt help and he would not go again.

This is a regular subject in our house and I have asked him he says I dont show love and when I do it doesnt feel like it comes from the heart? I think his mood started this morning because I didnt show him enough affection in bed this morning. This is also a regular complaint of his. I admit he has a higher sex drive than me. But I dont consider myself to be neglecting him.

I dont think he gets it that when he acts so needy he is actually pushing me away.

Also I would never cut contact with my family we are very close and it just wouldnt happen. But I do put him first and sometimes change plans with family to please him if that makes sense.

Also meant to say if anything i think he thinks he is out of my league not the other way around.

I dont get it, if i really make him that unhappy why doesnt he leave. I cant imagine staying with somebody and suspecting they have no feelings towards me.

Also meant to say if anything i think he thinks he is out of my league not the other way around.

I know it sounds odd but if he says that who is he trying to convince ?

Maybe mrbear never really thought about it like that.