Staying together for the kids?

[Boomerwang]

I've been with my boyfriend for two years. We have an 11 month old daughter. I also moved to his country to be with him.

Since my daughter was 2 months old we haven't ever had sex. I used to want it but don't any more as it's been so long I wouldn't trust him to be sensitive about it.

We are like ships in the night, or rather, he's the ship and I'm the shore, he sails by now and then. We never do anything together, all we ever do is for the benefit of our daughter.

Lately I've realised that I love him in the way you love someone you've lived with for a long time... I'm not 'in love' with him and no longer crave his affection. In fact if he leans in for a kiss once in a blue moon I stiffen up as I think of it as throwing me a bone.

I want my daughter to have a father in her life all the time and a stable upbringing with both mum and dad living together, but can it work?

We argue now and then but mostly I manage to keep a lid on everything for her sake. Most of the time he works and I am a SAHM. I believe he's taking me for granted because he has no idea that I've ever thought of leaving and taking her with me.

If I did leave and go back to the UK it's likely I'll have more financial trouble as I won't be able to work when childcare costs so much over there. I certainly won't find myself in a new relationship so I'd be even more lonely, although I'd have more freedom of choice.

Is there something else I should be watching out for? How will my feelings about the relationship evolve if nothing changes? Has anyone successfully raised a child with his or her other parent living in the same home yet have their own lives?

I stayed with my husband for the kids and we lasted another 5 years from deciding that (we decided together) until I realised I couldnt do it any longer.

The grass wasnt greener and I sometimes regret having that family unit, but as I didnt feel loved in the slightest in my marriage, I didnt lose anything there when we split.

I have had a few relationships since we split and each one has made me feel more fulfilled than my marriage ever did.

In summary, I wouldnt stay for the kids, only stay if there is something you can repair between you and OH, your child is young enough to never know anything different, I had to cope with telling two teenagers that their mum and dad were no longer going to be together.

Thank you for your view and experience

bumping...

I thought things were looking up lately as I started to get more attention, but I found that I didn't fancy my boyfriend at all. I actually didn't want him pawing over me.

Last night he finished work at 10pm. By 11pm I called to see where he was. He was at a friend's house 'picking up some cards'. At 12.15am when the baby was crying cuz she's full of snot and I wanted some paracetamol and milk brought upstairs I called in a rage. He had apparently 'got chatting'. After a few 'yeah, yeah, yeah' comments he came home but I'd already sorted it out myself.

I told him the baby was sleeping with me and he was sleeping on the sofa.

I've asked myself what my problem really is and I think I've got it down to his lack of consideration for his own family. He had to leave for work at 6am but he said he doesn't mind being tired by going to bed late. I mind! I mind that it catches up with him and he stays in bed til midday when he's working late shifts. I don't want him to take over or anything, I want him to just BE with us, and enjoy his child more.

Argh.