Why am I so hurt by this?

[lazycoconutree]

Dh says to me last night that I am very hard if not impossible to please me, and even then 'we' keep trying its never enough for me!

This was hot on the heels of an argument, which I thought I had been pretty calm and collected. But did partly involve his family who have been, in my opinion, monumentally insensitive to me.

i am so hurt by his comment, it wasn't even related to the argument we were having at the time. I have spent a good part of the night soul searching and trying to figure out how i have become a greedy, impossible to Please person. I honestly don't know where he is coming from and at this stage cannot bring myself to ask him.

I am no saint but I am a good person. More often then not I will put dc and dh needs before my own. I'm not an extravagant shopper, going on spending sprees.

I feel completely dejected. I can't get over how badly insulted I feel and I can't actually bring,yield to even open lines of communication with dh.

I think you need to ask him for examples of your behavior that have made him think this, when you are ready to talk again. I don't think people should make sweeping (and upsetting) comments like this without being prepared to give concrete evidence.

If he is able to talk to you about this, resist the urge to defend yourself, listen, then think about what he's said and decide if you agree!

Just because your DH said it, it doesn't mean it's true. If you've thought long and hard about it and don't recognise yourself as an "impossible to please" person, then you're probably not one.

So - maybe he said it in the spur of the moment because he was cross, and doesn't actually mean it (we've all been there). Maybe he does mean it - in which case, he needs to be able to back it up with specific examples. You have to talk to him.

He sounds he is projecting onto you; he is perhaps really describing his own self here. Its one of many tactics that are used in relationships that are at heart abusive.

You sound like a people pleaser which to him is ideal because he can use that to tie you up in knots. Who taught you to put your own needs last, not suggesting you should be completely selfish here and say no all the time but putting the needs of your DH and DC always before your own can turn you into a doormat for people to use.

You are supposed to be your H's equal; as it is there is a massive power and control imbalance and he's talking to you like you are the naughty child.

Its not you, its him. Such behaviour is both often learnt and deeply ingrained within. What are his parents like, would think that he learnt this from either one or both of them. He will not change, you can only change how you react to him.

You perhaps would not like to think of him as actually being emotionally abusive but what would you think if a friend was telling you this, what would your counsel be?.

Also what sort of role model is he to his children if they see him treat you his wife and their mother like this?.

He is neither a great dad (women in relationships often write that comment when they themselves have nothing positive to write about their man) nor a decent H to you. What sort of role model is he to your children, they are learning from him too as to how relationships are conducted. Think about what they are learning here from seeing him act like that towards you.

You have written about him before now, such men do not change except ramp up the control and emotional nonsense even higher.

What do you get out of this relationship now?. What is keeping you within this?.

I was wondering why you mentioned shopping in OP. Is there a problem with the family budget? Even if your spending is not on yourself, overspending (especially if finances tight) is a rapid way to wreck family dynamics.