Sorry seems to be the hardest word...

[Holly129]

So... I've seen a few posts with people saying they're sick of their dh thinking he can say sorry and that makes everything ok but his actions never change etc.
I seem to have a different problem. My partner never says sorry. He can shout and throw things around (basically have a strop like a 3 yr old) then after giving me the cold shoulder for a couple of days just decides to get over it and starts being all affectionate. I'm getting really sick of him not apologising for his behaviour. So today I called him on it, and he says "love means never having to say you're sorry" Is he right? Is it wrong to want an apology? He recons that apologising makes him resentful.

Tell him not to quote crappy films at you (Ali McGraw in Love Story) and to bloody well man up and apologise when he's done something wrong.

Then he needs to grow up and be accountable for his behaviour. He shouts and throws things around??!!!

I think an apology is the least you should expect.

Seriously? Of course he's not right. Firstly, he sure as hell shouldn't be behaving like a toddler but when he does he absolutely needs to apologise for his behaviour. But really, the not saying sorry is a separate issue to the fact he is acting like a tosses in the first place. How often are these 'tantrums'? Why do you tolerate them? I guess if you've let him off for not apologising for a while he's probably feeling entitled to his point of view. What does he bring to your relationship?

I guess the good outweighs the bad? There's not much I can fault about him, so I guess it's better to live with the tantrums because I'm not going to find anyone better than him.

I think you're setting your standards pretty low. He shouts and throws things. He coldshoulders you. He never apologises.

You REALLY can't find anyone better?

"love means never having to say you're sorry"

He is right, of course, but you should explain to him that it actually means not doing things that require an apology.

If he loves you he should not be hurting you with his behaviour.

Frankly you have about two red flags there. The tantrums and the not apologising.
My best guess is that it won't have a pretty end.

Imperial No I definitely can't find anyone better. Sometimes we go for months when everythings great. He's attentive, loving, a good father. Then when he's stressed at work (or sleep deprived as we're both dealing with a newborn right now) the tantrums and sulks creep in. I just can't help but think he can learn to deal with his anger better?

I guess it's better to live with the tantrums because I'm not going to find anyone better than him

Is this what you've come to? Creating your own self-fulfilling prophecy?

How about telling him you're not willing to live with his tantrums and if wants to vent his anger on you and create disharmony for you and your dc in your home, the place where you and they should feel safe and loved, he can take himself off to live elsewhere until his mood improves?