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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Responding to adults childish outbursts.

7 replies

thesnootyfox · 20/02/2013 13:46

What is the best way in dealing with an adult who flys off the handle and swears at you?

I find that I am outraged when someone tells me to fuck off because they are having a bad day and it is hard not to respond in the same way.

What are the best ways of dealing with unpleasant individuals.

OP posts:

lovemydogs · 20/02/2013 13:48

are you having a relationship with this person or is it a friend or work colleague?

CinnabarRed · 20/02/2013 13:50

If anyone tells you to fuck off then you tell them you're not willing to talk to them until they can talk politely, and then you leave the room.

LilQueenie · 20/02/2013 13:54

Show them the door and cut contact. Either they learn or they dont.

Original poster

thesnootyfox · 20/02/2013 13:54

My sister has this problem with her adult daughter, she ignores the bad behaviour and doesn't retaliate but the behaviour continues.

My "friend" has this issue with her dh. She isn't as refrained as my sister and she finds it hard not to fly off the handle herself.

OP posts:

cookielove · 20/02/2013 13:54

If Dh, tells me to fuck off and not in the jokey way like when i am tickling him but in the pissed off way then i would ask him not to speak to me like that as it is unnecessary, however we do tell each other to fuck off alot and none of it is meant in offence.

If a work colleague spoke to me like that i would be very shocked, for several reasons, we work in childcare, i am senior staff and i can't think of any reason for that word to be used in my place of work, but i would be removing from the room, finding out what was wrong, and reinforcing why we don't use language like that at work.

If a friend spoke to me like that i may laugh but my friendship group is a bit like that, like oh calm down calm down, we don't really swear at each other!!

hth

LilQueenie · 20/02/2013 13:59

your sister doesnt get anywhere because she lets the behaviour continue by ignoring it. Tell your DH to cool it and then ignore him completely till he gets the message. That also means no cooking for him or doing his clothes. This usually works. (from expereince btw)

cookielove · 20/02/2013 14:45

Agree with LilQueenie, your sister should def not be accepting that behaviour from her daughter, but if she has never been pulled up on it then its no wonder it continues. I have told my mum to fuck off once, when i was about 19 never done it again, i am now 30. I cannot believe now that i said it,

Not sure about the friend is she actually not wanting to react to it? If not then she should just leave the room take some time to calm down, and come back to the situation when she has got her thoughts together, and also tell her dh not to speak to her like that!!

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