should you stay together for the sake of the children

[jayteee]

1 month before we were due to get married, he broke his leg and so couldn't fly out for the wedding. Our relationship has been frought with arguements and doubts. When the doctor told me he wouldn't be able to fly, i felt relieved, then i realised that the doubts i had weren't down to the arguements, i really didn't love him. I told him. He was destroyed. Begged me to stay in the house with him. I tried, but everyday he'd try to convince me to give it another try, i stuck 4 mths of this then left. I am now at my mums with the two children. He still can't accept the situation and wants to hold back selling the house etc until we've given it time to see if my feelings return. They're not going to. I'm so happy without him, but i feel so guilty and selfish for splitting the family up. Haven't a clue how to approach the subject to a 4 and 6 yr old (who at the moment think we're having an extra long sleepover at nannas!) has anybody been through this? How?

It's an obvious suggestion, but have you tried Relate or similar? You'd be giving your relationship another chance, and if that doesn't work, it's a good way to get a "good" separation - be apart, but still on good terms.

I can certainly understand that living with someone who repeatedly begs you to give it another try would be exasperating, and not likely to lead to you falling in love all over again.

Did you ever love him? If you did - it is my firm opinion that you probably can again unless he has done stuff that makes that impossible for you. If it is just boredom etc maybe you can make it work again but you would need to want to and the idea of Relate may help.

If you never loved him really (be completely honest with yourself about this) or you did but he has done really bad stuff (violence/repeated adultery etc) that can't really be forgiven then the marriage is probably over.

oops - meant relationship not marriage - sorry

Can relate to your situation. Have the kids cried for him and missed him ? How long have you been at your mums ? If you are happy then that is good and obviously the right thing for you and if you are happy then the kids will be. If you stayed living with him and were miserable then thats not good for the kids, is it ? At least you are being true to yourself. Dont feel guilty and selfish because you have to consider yourself as well as the kids and they want a happy mum. They can still see dad cant they ? Wishing you lots of luck and success...