Dealing with relatives.

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I'm a qualified nurse and work in a care home. I don't know whether all this stuff in the media is making people jumpy, but over about the past two years, the relatives just seem to be going overboard

They constantly hassle us and expect us to drop everything and see to their relative immediately regardless of what we're doing. If I'm doing my drugs round, they will expect me to stop and: chat, take people to the toilet, make tea, look up stuff for them, mend stuff etc. etc. They will disturb me when I'm on the phone too and I have difficulty hearing the person on the other end.

They tell me all about their personal difficulties and seem to be very needy and attention seeking. They will hang around outside the nurses office trying to hear us when we're talking or handing over - we have to close the door now in order to maintain confidentiality, but then they think we're being standoffish

I can't do my job properly. If I try to do essential documentation, they consider that I'm being lazy and harass me until I see to their relative. I'm not one of these nurses who won't do hands on care, but I do have my shift to run and I'm personally responsible for goodness knows how many things.

People seem guarded, suspicious, nosey, demanding, don't respect boundaries and just don't get how busy we are. They wander into the kitchen to make their own tea and order food at mealtimes, or even sit next to their relative and eat their food Some of them interfere with the care of other residents and a couple of residents have cottoned on to this and enjoy winding the visitors up by claiming they haven't been taken to the loo for hours or haven't had their medication . This simply isn't true and it's so hurtful as well as being potentially damaging both to the home and to individual workers.

Some relatives seem to have issues and can be downright difficult and unpleasant.

It's all getting too much for me being scrutinised and followed everywhere. Yesterday, people were in from 09:00 until 21:00 - some came back twice. If they don't trust us to care for their relative then why have they placed them with us? I know people like to ensure their relative is receiving the best care and I understand that (I've been a relative myself), but this is just so claustrophobic and stressful.

I don't like my job anymore The others feel the same way, but we're just told to keep the relatives happy no matter what There's no one to talk to about it. I wish these people would realise their relative would receive better care if we could just get on with our jobs.

Can you hold a relatives meeting? These were quite standard in the care home I used to work in, and it gave the relatives a chance to voice any concerns and raise any suggestions and for staff to do the same. Quite often we had to bring up this very issue and make relatives see just how much they were setting us and our care for their loved ones back just by being so overbearing.

Do you wear a DND vest when doing your medication rounds? Just one of the things I had to do, as well as DND Unless Emergency sign on our office door for when we were doing essential paperwork/making important calls.

It's tough. You're only one person, the sense of responsibility at times is crushing. I'd definitely try and organise a relatives meeting to address the issues though. When it stops you from being able to do your job then it's serious enough to warrant intervention.

No, the manager did offer to get a DND sign for us, but hasn't yet. Perhaps I can remind her about it.

I was walking along the hallway yesterday and was heading for the washbasin to wash my hands after doing a dressing in a bedroom. The relative actually got hold of my hand and led me into a resident's room - not even her relative - and told me that I should sit with this lady. I was . This lady was just going to have a lie down on her bed, but the relative had decided that she needed looking after. She even stood there looking at me and I had to tell her she could leave whilst I placed a blanket over the resident then resumed what I was trying to do (make an telephone call to the GP surgery).

They just don't see the bigger picture at all. This relative actually follows me around and chats to me whilst I'm trying to do the medication. She works in social care too, so she should have more sense.

It's strange, but they never ever seek help from the care assistants, it's always the nurse they head for.