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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What's your OH like when they're ill??

45 replies

MumToH · 29/04/2006 22:49

Got to get this off my chest (sorry, it's along one!)!! My dh has had a cold for over a week, but he insisted he had to go away on business on Monday through to Thursday night. Every night on the phone he'd tell me how bad he was feeling, how he'd finished work and gone straight to bed. He even said he felt so ill he nearly called the hotel doctor. Wouldn't have a day off though. Anyway, he got home on Thurs (straight to bed) and even though I'd asked him to buy our ds's birthday present (for last Friday) he hadn't done it. I had to leave work early to do it. He went to the doctor on Friday who prescribed antibiotics for his ear infection. Since then he's either been in bed or on the settee, and has done NOTHING for days. I asked him if he'd wash up the wine glasses ready for the family party we had on Friday night; he was most put out and said the doctor had told him to rest completely!! So, I had to buy all the food, prepare it, serve it and clear up afterwards on Friday. DS has a party for his friends tomorrow and guess who's doing everything for that?! DH got the party bags ready but now complaining it's wiped him out and he's not sure if he will go to the party tomorrow. I don't mean to sound unsympathetic - well, actually I am unsympathetic!! He's managed to go to work all week but can't even wash up a few wine glasses when asked. I just wondered how everyone elses' OH are when ill - are they all so pathetic or am I just unlucky??

OP posts:

naswm · 29/04/2006 23:43

no I think it is a male thing. Sorr to al the male muymsnetters. no offence. My DH has a cold and it is the end o hte world. sumpathty to you mumtoh

joanna4 · 29/04/2006 23:43

yep i think all you have said covers the universal poorly sick and dying man syndrome.Mine goes out wed nights and you can see if he is ill he is rallying round a bit by tuesday night miraculously loads better wed morning and hey presto off he goes then thursday morning back to square one.They really do take the p*ss sometimes.

MamaMaiasaura · 30/04/2006 01:32

a PIA

Tortington · 30/04/2006 02:03

my DH is rarely ill - a sign of weekness and therefore less manliness.

hes the type that wont take a paracetamol for a headache - thensays intermitently - ohhh this headache - i think the complete lack of sympathy our household gives to any ill person child or adult perpetuates this behaviour. cos all i say is shut the fck up and take a paracetemol. Noooo he wont do that - sign of weekness and therefore not manly. fck wit

suzywong · 30/04/2006 02:47

Why, he's like a MAN of course. You fill in the blanks

looneytune · 30/04/2006 08:16

My dh rarely has colds, quite often gets MAN FLU though!

Pruni · 30/04/2006 08:20

He retreats into himself, goes all quiet, and sits on the sofa looking miserable.
Fair enough though.
And to be strictly fair, he had cancer and chemo and just went quiet for three months. It really could have been a lot worse.

spangles · 30/04/2006 08:36

My DH is pathetic when ill, but when I am ill I am expected to carry on as normal... makes my blood boil.

BettySpaghetti · 30/04/2006 08:49

DP tends to make sure we all know with lts of moaning ans groaning. He also tends to retreat to bed all day leaving me to do everything. Then, as soon as the children are in bed and I'm looking forward to some peace and quiet and time on my own, he "feels a bit better" and gets up to lie on the sofa. He then moans and groans a bit more and interupts my peace/TV viewing/computer time etc.

Miaou · 30/04/2006 08:55

My dh isn't bad on that front, and I really appreciate that I am lucky on that front! He does get ill - genuinely so - and will complain of feeling poorly (and I dole out the sympathy), but generally speaking he will carry on doing what needs to be done (he still makes the meals etc) unless he feels he needs to go to bed and sleep it off. He doesn't milk it or use it as an excuse not to do stuff. If he doesn't feel up to cooking he will ask me to do it but usually says "are you sure you don't mind?" - doesn't just expect me to do it.

Chandra · 30/04/2006 09:00

I think is a man thing, DH would die a slow death all the way thruogh a cold. I may be a terrible person but I make him make up for the convalescence time

Original poster

MumToH · 30/04/2006 10:17

Yep, seems like I thought, most men (and sorry to generalise) are pathetic when ill! BettySpaghetti, you could be describing my hubby! Miaou - you are really lucky, wish mine was like that!

OP posts:

ItalianJob · 30/04/2006 10:20

I make sure that when I'm ill I take to my bed in my turn, and make him do the cooking etc.

blueteddy · 30/04/2006 11:17

More of a miserable git than he normally is!

gigglinggoblin · 30/04/2006 11:40

xp used to be hilarious. i couldnt even pretend to take him seriously. there was one time he had a headache and decided it must be meningitis. this was about 3am, so he woke me up and asked me to call the doctor. i said it wasnt meningitis as he had just been sat playing on the computer and one of the symptoms is aversion to light. so he squints up at the lightbulb and in very croaky voice confirms that he thinks he is going off light. i said a stiff neck was another sign so he moves his head veeeeeeeeeerrrrry slowly back from looking at the light and said he also had a stiff neck. utter crap. i told him to sod off, he got the emergency doctor out who said he had .... a headache.

lazycow · 30/04/2006 12:11

ha ha Bettyspaghetti. That actually sounds like me when I'm ill. Dh is far better but luckily I'm not ill very often but he is. My argument is that he has more practise at being ill so is better at it. I'm sure I would be better at it if I was ill more often - but I have no intention of practising so will continue to be bad at it.

Rocklover · 30/04/2006 12:16

My DH is pathetic and HAS to go to bed, I used to have sympathy, but it has run out. If I dare to get annoyed that he is not helping out at all then he can get really nasty and moody and sometimes cries, so now I just leave him to it. I am a SAHM at the mo and I pray for him not to have days off sick from work as he just spends it in bed oblivious to everything or on his Championship Manager game all day. I, according to him, have never been as ill as he is each time, so therefore don't understand (you know being admitted to hsopital for morning sickness doesn't seem to count lol). I once asked him if he remembered the last time I was ill and he didn't, despite the fact I had the same heavy cold he had and just had to keep going whereas he could just play dead!!!! GRRRRR.

maltesers · 30/04/2006 22:25

Wait till you hear this... my dp is a complete hoax, attention seeker, big baby, drama queen and hypocondriac..Last Friday he called me from work to say he felt odd. (here we go i thought)..He stated he had a pain in his chest and did not feel right at all. His voice sounded pathetic...all put on for sure. He asked me to drive him to the G.P's surgery. The act infront of the G>P was unbelievable..He would have got a scholarship place at RADA.. I was gobsmacked and embarrassed that he could put on such an act. The G>P asked him if he thought he was Dying and sent him to the nurse for an E>C>G> There was nothing wrong with him and the minute we got home he was ok again. God i am living with a bloody drama queen. He really is not right in the head.

maltesers · 30/04/2006 22:27

My DP even said, "I thing the doctor thinks i am a hypochondriac" Why does he do this. ? ? ? ?What in it for him.

Oh yes and as for a cold ....He is really ill and dying ...male flu..you know !

Original poster

MumToH · 30/04/2006 22:50

I've got a friend whose dh thought he had meningitis in the middle of the night too (just like gigglinggoblin's story!). When he rang the emergency doctor with the symptoms, the doc said you'd better get yourself to the hospital if that's what you think. He soon changed his tune when it meant he had to get out of bed and drag his sorry ass to the hospital!! I nearly pi**ed myself laughing when she told me the story! Hilarious! Another time, he thought he had cancer of the testicles, for no good reason. I feel really sorry for her as their ds1 seems to have inherited his dad's neuroses......

OP posts:

lilstarry1 · 30/04/2006 22:54

OK, I'm feeling a little relieved (sorry!), DP doesn't appear anywhere near as bad in comparison!
That said, he gets soooo arsey! He does tend to over-complicate things (men can't just have headaches, they have migraines, they don't have colds, they have the Flu).

After I gave birth he threw up and had to lie down in a wobbly mess on the hospital floor. It made me laugh, he was mostly just tired and hungry.. but I still found it funny that I'd just gone through labour (with no pain relief) and was sat gibbering away on the bed, whilst he was crumpled in a heap on the floor.

Poor men, they just aren't very good at coping.

Chandra · 02/05/2006 00:35

Mine went straight to home and slept through the day while I was alone at the hopital with newborn baby, just because a nurse mentioned he looked exhausted! Next time I plan to leave him at hospital with new baby as I would be exhausted from the birth.

Alipiggie · 02/05/2006 00:39

Definitely a man thing :o. One sniffle and they've got flu, retire to bed never to be seen again for upteem weeks, but no won't necessarily go to the doctor and as for helping MTH - absolutely not even if it's staring them in the face what needs to be done.

hannahsaunt · 02/05/2006 03:50

Dh is absolutely dreadful - total hypochondriac - always has whatever the worst case scenario might be. But will he do anything to alleviate symptoms? No. Won't take aspirin because it's hurts his tummy (ditto brufen), won't take paracetamol because it can impair renal function (yup; if you take 600 a day or something...). But will moan and moan and moan. To be fair, it's not a man thing with him - his entire family is like this; they have more sick days than anyone else I know.

Teaching the ds's to be stoic

Original poster

MumToH · 02/05/2006 10:38

I think that's the thing isn't it - let's bring up our ds's to be stoic!! (and, to be 'pc', the DD's too of course!). And to be responsible for themselves, respect others, help around the house etc etc etc.......

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