Entitled dh

[Laughslikeadrain]

Will keep this short: we've had issues over dsc being spoiled by dh and all extended family on dh and ex side. This had made them rude and entitled. Although he agreed to help mend his ways and encourages more positive behaviour on dsc part, with success I may add, the problem now seems genetic! He is becoming quite selfish in many small ways, but as he contributes fairly to household chores, it is difficult to pull him up on these things. The examples sound too petty to mention but leave me feeling he's more important than me, his stuff is more valuable than mine, wants praise for doing his chores... Begrudges me same praise for my effort or any extra chore my ds does. Again really same old story: he feels he and his kids are just more entitled or somehow more superior? It's quite offensive really. He earns more than me but has less spending money as most goes to cm. is this his way of telling me my ds and I are inferior? Ok, longer text than planned...

It is horrible that dh favours his other children so markedly

what the fuck is wrong with this man ?

does he understand what damage that can do ?

I have questioned his behaviour in the past, but his excuse is he thinks he's borderline aspergers. Even when i won't swallow that he still either insists he just doesn't see it, oh dear, can't be helped, or sulks, then apologizes and comes up with a new scam. As in, ok, dc will pull their weight but now I want more praise. Or I don't thank him enough, or apologize. This last came as a result of my criticizing his frequent but incredibly insincere apologies, e.g. Sorry you feel that way.
I suppose the situation is bearable because he occasionally takes me out on a date, brings flowers etc. But still feel faintly patronized when he does that.
The ex is believably a sociopath, but she probably beat him at his own game. Naturally that explains the affair he had during their final year of marriage.
And why he's so jealous of any men showing even harmless and passing interest in me.
He does have his good points and I do love him and would like to make this work. I suppose communicating all ills as they appear might be a start?

Christ, every time you post he sounds worse.

Who did he have the affair with ?

When you stop toeing the line, and giving him the adulation he so clearly deserves, will he discard you too ?

The ow was married herself, going through a rough patch with her dh, and they met at a conference. It lasted a summer and he still has her love letters, which he keeps in a locked cabinet. Found them while looking for bank codes or something ordinary. We bumped into her by accident once and he had the audacity to introduce her. Said she saved his life because ex was being so horrible and would not have sex. I suppose the hint there is, if I won't have sex with him he will stray.
Reading this makes him appear very unappealing but he is in fact quite ordinary to look at, not demonic or anything dramatic at all in his demeanor. In fact shares my rather quiet hobbies and interests, films, reading and will make the effort to do sth nice for me outside his comfort zone.
But if I'm totally honest, my mother hated the sight of him and has passed away at least not knowing I'm being a tad unhappy now.

I had a similar problem not last year, year before and I tried in vain to discuss it.

In the end I walked out. I stayed at my sisters for 2 weeks. I genuinly left thinking that's it, I'm done.

My hubby was mortified, we sat down and discussed the situation and I refused to go back until I was satisfied.

Don't get me wrong, we discussed ALL issues that were bothering both of us it wasn't one sided.

It's not for the faint hearted though.

the thing is, when you favour certain children over others it's not just the overlooked one(s) that gets damaged

the Golden Child(ren) also receive some very unpleasant and unhelpful messages that do them no favours in life either

Too true, AF, in fact we thrashed out the spousification of dsc a while back and though he now accepts it was happening he still complains how hard it is on him to have a consciously parent-child conversation with his dd, I.e. ignoring her flirting and setting boundaries. That girl has major issues and he still does not fully accept his responsibility to her to act as an adult. Again, dss is parented better now, no biggie there to change.
MrsB, I thought I'd discussed some major stuff already, but each time I feel I've solved the dilemma, up pops the next surprise.
Is it just pride that makes him choose to be a pig after he's clearly been shown he's in the wrong? I never rub his nose in it, I make it quite clear I am absolutely delighted we could resolve our differences and often say I have similar problems with own ds, or family, just to take heat off him.

Totally agree, AnyFucker. My mum was the favourite (her opinion) of six. She made my brother the Golden Child. Neither of them have even started dealing with the damage.

I was horrified when my SiL started telling her elder son he was 'the best' at everything and I had a real go at her - I told her her job was not to set her son impossible goals but to give him the strongest foundations, and that means dealing with getting things wrong and learning from mistakes, and learning that his mum/dad will love him whatever.

Have you posted about him before? Would he by any chance be the fully grown adult male who morphs into a boak making winsome little boy when he wants to sit on your lap cuddle up to you on the sofa or initiate sex?

Is he the one who links arms with his dd when he's out and acts as if he's a paedophile her lover whispering sweet nothings in her ear?

have a look at hard hitting article, OP

and then I recommend you get yourself over to the Emotional Abuse Support thread

Link failure alert, AF...

I can't do natty little links but if you read the reviews of this book - and, better still, buy it - you'll become aware of Alexandra Nouri's sterling effort to alert womenkind to the disadvantages of associating with narcs toads:
www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=4&ved=0CE4QFjAD&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.co.uk%2FToads-Women-Them-Manual-ebook%2Fsim%2FB005IDUAR2%2F2&ei=wwMkUY-REaan4ASQ5ICIBQ&usg=AFQjCNE61hwKos45iiubLsJ5WUeSXV5ptQ&sig2=KFan1k1bfJ8uueoxOpeJ6A&bvm=bv.42661473,d.bGE&cad=rja

oops, did it not work ?

hang on

ah, the link is broken

sorry OP, must be an old one (too tired now to try and find a new one)

I still recommend you have a look at the Emotional Abuse thread, paying special attention to all the brilliant links and resources at the top of it

clinky link for izzy

< polishes fingernails on collar >

tries again

A clinky link of my very own!!

Muchas gracias, AF. May I ask if you have a clinky link that will enable
me to make them?

Step by step guide to clinky links

1. Highlight the URL of the link you want to use by right clicking it and pressing copy

1. Go to your MN post. Type [[

1. Right click directly next to the [[ and press paste

1. You will see your link appear in full. If you wish to add a couple of words that turn up in blue for your link, leave one space after the end of the link

1. immediately after your inserted words (or the end of the link), type ]]

Bingo. So it looks like that you want to make /your own words (without the /)

There is a quicker way, I believe by ticking "convert links automatically" under the text box, but that may not be available in all versions of the MN experience. Someone may be able to tell us more about that.

Fuck.

Ignore all that. I am going to bed.

< slinks away >

There are instructions entitled "Links" underneath your text box, that don't end up like fucking gobbledygook

Read them.

Yes, sir, AF, sir!

< high steps off to bed >

It took me fucking ages to type that crap

Izzy...your mission as you know it is to do a clicky link

You have 24 hours

use whatever covert force you think is required.

over and out

Morning all. Thanks for all the trouble everybody went to send me links (after i fell asleep). Much appreciated.
No, never posted that about dh, should have read it though. Sounds incredibly similar.
Have been lying here awake for some time and its occurred to me that I had been previously focusing too much on dsd obnoxious behaviour. Used to think she was out to ruin my marriage, have daddy to herself etc. but while some ops refer to the fact that dsc, mostly girls, will be charming in front of dh and witches when alone with sm, its the opposite in our house. She is normal enough when we are alone together but will change into an oversexed harpy as soon as dh is on the scene. I told him both dc act different i.e. worse, when he's around, but as he couldn't explain it either And acted so hurt, I let it go. Worked on setting boundaries instead and that helped too.