Red flags that you unfortunately missed

[sweetestB]

I don't have a clue why after 9 years divorce, I have being having dreams about my ExH nearly every night.
I don't wake up happy and his bad behavior comes back to my head and I can remember so many red flags that I just couldn't see at all, how could I be so blind.

A part for being a cheat , breaking up with me all the time and criticizing/ avoiding my friends on the early stages of the relationship, he also:
pushed me away on the pathway when he saw his ex girlfriend driving her new boyfriend's car

He didn't do it so she wouldn't see us holding hands, he did it in utter frustration they weren't together anymore and she had found a better off boyfriend as my ExH didn't have a car at that time.
I didn't fall or anything but it hurt the same.
Than I asked him yo explain why he done that and he just walked away....
And I followed him until he forgave me and promised call me later
Than we carried on walking to the same direction but on different sides of the road.

It's unbelievable I was that person

I think your brain is just sorting out the memories. Filing them. What behaviours to file under Unacceptable. Which behaviours made you feel hurt, humiliated, rejected. Your brain is joining up the dots while you sleep. I think it's a good thing. This is your brain's way of making sure that you don't sleep walk on auto pilot into a similar relationship.

I had a dream recently that I was back with my x and he was abusive, so I do not want to get ack with him. But in real life, I have done something which does compromise my integrity a bit. That sounds heavy. There is a reason, and I'm not entirely comfortable, but it's something I am doing for an easy life in the long run not the short term.

ps, mine was 6 years ago and the dream was recent, and I see your divorce was 9 years ago.

Is there somebody ELSE in your life now who is treating you with a lack of respect, or who is not respecting your wishes, prioritising your needs way beneath their own.

I think the dream is a warning to you to see something which seems different as The Same.

I think is the other way round. I have been impatient with my dd, does it make sense?